Your Pep Talk for 2020– What is holding you back and what you should do.
You want to be fit, successful, and attractive. Maybe you want to find love or start a family with the one you love. You have so many hopes, dreams, and plans.
What is stopping you from gunning the engine and zooming towards what you want?
A lot, as it seems. And most of it is in your own head.
Think about this:
Why don’t you go to the gym every day?
No, you HAVE enough time, you just don’t feel motivated enough to get out of bed.
Why don’t you ask for a raise or a promotion?
No, you DO deserve it more than Sara, you are just afraid of hearing “No” for an answer.
Why don’t you ask him/her on a date already?
No, you CAN focus on a relationship right now, you are just scared of the commitment.
Now, I am trying to make a point here and that is not to make you uncomfortable. I want to make you aware of what is stopping you from living the life of your dreams.
If you think I’m going to call you out on making excuses, I am not.
I am, however, going to make you aware of the one thing that all humans fear above all: change.
The Comfort Zone
Have you ever heard of becoming comfortable in your misery? Yes, it is an actual thing. People often become comfortable with their insecurities, their situation, their abusive partner, and even their annoying, bigoted boss.
This sounds crazy, but it is true. There is research that shows that people actually prefer their current unhappy situation by taking action and changing it.
Although this makes you think that people are simply lazy or they are just masochistic in general, there is a reason for this. And that reason is fear of the unknown.
Being afraid of a future that you don’t have all the facts to is totally understandable. There are a lot of what-ifs involved. But that sort of mindset is holding you back.
Your comfort zone might be exactly where you want to be. But nine times out of ten, people aren’t really happy where they are. If you are one of them, you need to break out of your comfort zone. And you CAN do that.
It will require courage, yes. But it can be so rewarding.
My advice is to become comfortable with change. Just tell yourself that it is alright to change and it is usually good to change. If you don’t like where you are, change. If you don’t like where the change took you, change again.
Remember, nobody gets anything right the first time. Or heck, even the tenth or twentieth time. It will take time and a lot of changes before you are happy with where you are and the changes you made.
Meanwhile, you will learn a lot with each change and end up not only happier but wiser as well. Flexibility is worth adding to your list of resolutions isn’t it?
The Dirty Laundry
“ Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about the destination.”
No, these words were not said by some privileged guy or an heiress.
Drake said this. He was the rapper who grew up poor with a nicotine-addicted mother. He was the man with a rich father who didn’t care about him. He was a Jewish boy who was also African-American. He has had a few instances of drug addiction and a lot of very public heartbreaks.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because if he thinks that his past was a learning experience and not a burden, so can you.
Look, I get it. You have a messy past. Maybe it is much worse than Drake’s. Something horrible happened or you did something that you know was wrong. But guess what, it will define you only if you let it.
Another quote I often repeat while helping people get over their pasts is:
“ These mountains you are carrying, you were supposed to climb.”
Whoever said that was so right. Carrying the past around with you is heavy-lifting. And it’s weighing you down.
I want you to make a resolution right now. Starting this year, you are going to stop basing all your thoughts and actions on your past. Keep the lessons in mind but let go of the actual event. By the end of this decade if not year, you will be in a better place– mentally and emotionally.
The Time Illusion
All of us have the same illusion: We think our personal history ended yesterday. We think we have become the people we will always be.
But that is not true.
We always forget to account for the future and the changes it may bring. We struggle to accept that what we love today, we may hate tomorrow. Who we are today is not the same as who we will be tomorrow.
As Dan Gilbert said in his TED Talk, “Human beings are works in progress who think they are finished products.”
Now you might say, “Interesting theory Rutesha, but how will knowing that help me?”
Well, once you accept that the only constant thing in life is changing you become a different person. You start slowing down, start living in the present. You don’t set those insane goals you will slave away to achieve if you know that your future self may not even be happy with the outcome.
I think it’s kind of liberating to look at the future like that.
Imagine how good it will be for your mental health to worry only about what you are going to do at the moment instead of writing down ‘I want to weigh 40 pounds less by December.’ In your planner.
Stress holds you back. Worrying about the future holds you back.
That being said, I’m not asking you to stop setting goals entirely. I’m just asking you to set small short-term ones that focus on your happiness, fitness, and success or whatever you want. But at the same time, don’t ignore your present because no matter how well you plan, the future will always be a mystery.
Now, Onto the Future!
That is all! Just get out of your own way and let the magic happen!
To help you along the way, I will leave you with a small to-do list that hopefully helps you implement everything you have been reading about:
1. Make a list of things that make you unhappy
2. Make a list of things that make you happy
3. Brainstorm ideas to eliminate the first list completely
4. Choose one idea
5. Start on it
It may be a while before you start crossing out things on the first list but it is okay. Just remember to be flexible and positive. Enjoy the present and keep challenging your boundaries. Live the way you want to and don’t be afraid to take the leap for what you believe in.
Change is after all, the only constant isn’t it?
If there are any other things you think are holding you back, do leave a comment. We can all try and help each other out in the comments section J.
