After 10 Years, I Still Don’t Feel Part of the LGBTQIA Community

This is hampering my ability to connect to a part of my existence

Photo by Kyle Bushnell on Unsplash

I don’t write about asexuality as much as I do about race or women’s issues primarily because I don’t fully understand it as much as my other intersections. I’ve known what it means to be a Black woman in a racist and sexist society from the cradle. Those identities have always been the core of my existence even during times when I would’ve rather been anything other than Black or a woman.

How I finally came to accept my asexuality

I didn’t discover asexuality until late in life when I was in my forties. That was 10 years ago. Since I spent most of my life in heteronormative spaces, asexuality initially felt more like an afterthought to my existence, and it still isn’t my entire identity. Being indoctrinated in heterosexuality meant I knew all the intricacies and rules on how to think and behave as a straight woman even if I didn’t like them and even if they didn’t fit who or what I was as a person. I hadn’t the foggiest idea what it meant not to be straight.

At this moment, after years of struggling to accept my asexuality, I have never felt more connected to it than I do now. However, I feel more disconnected from the asexual community as well as the larger LGBTQIA…