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I’m Not Rushing My Grief
The expectation that the bereaved get over their grief as soon as possible is harmful and needs to stop
It’s been two months since my father died. Two months since he took his last breath. Two months since he last told me he loved me. Sometimes, it feels like he passed away yesterday. Other times, it feels like he passed away two years ago.
Unlike the depictions of grieving in the media or what we’ve been taught about the five stages of grief in school, grief is not linear. Some days, I’m numb. Some days, the loss is raw as though it just happened.
How I’ve changed since my father died
As my relationship with my father was complicated, I’m also navigating feelings of anger as well as regret as he wasn’t the kind of father I needed or deserved. When he was alive, he was often ornery and critical. His emotional abuse left scars that I’m still trying to heal from as a 55-year-old woman. It’s not easy processing these emotions amid the conditioning that parents should be honored regardless of how their children are treated. This mindset invalidates the experiences of adult children with abusive or neglectful parents and venerates those who don’t deserve to be.
I don’t feel anything like my usual self. After only two months, I don’t expect to. Here are the changes that I’ve…
