What I Wish My Younger Self Knew
In being kind and gentle with my younger self regarding my asexuality
I’m at a crossroads.
I first came upon asexuality as a sexual orientation six years ago. The process of accepting this part of myself is a slow one. The fact that I still struggle with my aceness is partly due to the fact that there are so few representations of ace people in the media. Nobody thinks an ace person looks anything like me. In all of the ace groups I come across online, I’m usually one of the few BIPOC as well as one of the oldest on them. Since I don’t have much in common with the fellow members of these groups outside of our shared sexual orientation, I feel alone even when among them.
I also still struggle with it because a part of me believes that if only asexuality were recognized in my youth, then a lot of the trauma I experienced in my intimate relationships may have been avoided. I so envy today’s youth for having the language to describe their asexuality that I didn’t have thirty years ago.
It’s dishonest to say that all of my sexual experiences were horrible. It’s only within the last decade that sexuality has been regarded as a spectrum. I was never extreme in my asexuality. I identify as grey-ace, or as someone who rarely experiences sexual attraction or only under limited circumstances. So the times where there was…
