“Can You Talk?”
An open letter to the man who couldn’t find his words.
For several days you pushed me away, withdrew yourself from the situation and on occasion sent me cryptic messages about being “too tired” and needing time to “think about your words”. I patiently waited for your phone call so I could have closure about whatever this was we were doing (we didn’t even get around to putting a label on it.)
My gut said you were just playing me, but my need for answers kept me hanging around to see what you’d finally have to say to me. I so wanted to give you the chance to explain, to make me understand how we got so off course so fast, to help me understand what’s wrong with me.
On day three, you texted that you were so tired from being so busy with work/the holidays and that you’d call the next night. You even had the nerve to say you required a little grace from me in the situation. I said of course.
Then I had an epiphany:
I can choose to have closure about this situation, right here, right now. I really don’t need to have all the answers or hear about how you’re just too busy to date right now or how you need time to figure out what you really want (despite the very different perception you project on your still active dating profile).
Granted, we haven’t “been involved” with each other very long but we did have a sort of agreement between us, didn’t we? We had established a certain level of communication, trust and mutual interest. We even agreed we weren’t sleeping with other people.
Unfortunately, that’s the thing about setting expectations, isn’t it? You just might get held accountable. I realized I want and deserve people in my life who communicate with me in a respectable and consistent manner.
I don’t deserve to play guessing games about how anyone feels about me. I don’t deserve to have someone do a complete 180 in their behavior and expect me to be okay with it.
You see, on day six, when you finally got around to sending the text message, “Can you talk?” it was too late.
I already gave myself closure.
Whatever it was we were doing, well, it was awesome, until it wasn’t.
The simple fact is, I don’t really need to know the whys or the reasons or every thought someone is having about me. All I need to know is, this isn’t working for me and I get to decide to move on — with or without your explanations.
I’m sending you on your way with love and kindness, hoping you find what makes you happy.
And I’m sorry, but no, I can’t talk now.
