Loose Boundaries and Parking Problems
Conversations from the dating wilderness
With 2020 coming to a close, I was reflecting on my dating experiences, from this and past years, and how sometimes it’s actually a gift when the other person says something really ridiculous, completely outrageous even. Mainly because it makes it so much easier to make a decision in response. These are some of my favorite conversations/comments and I wanted to memorialize them so that I can always remember how special these “not relationship” encounters were in their own way.
I don’t care.
He delivered it so dispassionately and reflexively, it was fucking eloquent. We had been dating for weeks, it wasn’t like I was some stranger that was randomly talking to him. It was his response to a story I told about work or something of that nature. Not since Melania’s coat had the sentiment been expressed so directly. I wasn’t even mad.
Truth is, he was one of those people that prefers the company of his dogs over people— he had five rescues and two actual human friends, and they worked at the rescue so I’m being generous in my assessment.
I still think about this conversation to this day and laugh. I secretly hope that someday I’ll have an opportunity to say those words in some situation, but I would probably never be that rude. At least he cares about animals.
I think I’m just conditioned to be in a relationship with loose boundaries.
As soon as I read these words, yes, it was in a text, not a phone call, I jumped up and wrote them down because I recognize an instant classic when I hear one! My assumption is this is simply a lazy way of saying, “I am emotionally immature and I just want to sleep around”. I’ll likely never know because he ghosted me shortly after this conversation.
Over the course of several weeks, and numerous conversations, he had impressed me with his supposed self-awareness and use of emotionally aware buzzwords like “trust” and “safe space”. Then he dropped this gem on me. I will say this one has definitely won first place in my heart and maybe I’ll use it myself one day. As in, “I’m just really into loose boundaries and don’t think I can accommodate your desire for actual conversation.” I don’t know exactly how to use it but I’m sure it will come to me.
I do appreciate that it was delivered in such a sincere tone. As if dating me had made him have some epiphany about his life. Glad I could help you with your spiritual evolution!
I still think about those renters and how they have nowhere to store their Christmas decorations. It just seems rude.
I have a parking problem.
You know how sometimes a person can say something and it seems innocuous enough on the surface, but it really reveals a lot about their character? That’s how I feel about this statement.
First date, meet and greet with a successful architect guy. In the midst of telling me about his remodeled house, he proclaims, “I HAVE A PARKING PROBLEM.”
He had nowhere to park his three motorcycles at his house! They were nice too, he lovingly showed me pictures of them over chips and salsa. Luckily he also owned a duplex (both sides) so he parked the motorcycles in the garages at the duplex. The people renting the duplex from him weren’t allowed to use the garages OR the driveways. We’re in Texas, do you have any idea how hot a car gets in July? What if they want some shade for their vehicle? Do they get a break on rent since they don’t get to use that space?
I couldn’t even finish my quesadillas. I still think about those renters and how they have nowhere to store their Christmas decorations. It just seems rude.
Glad it’s not just me that feels that way…LOL
Sometimes when you meet online you engage in some back and forth texting but at some point you have to meet in real life, or talk on the phone, talk about real stuff, right? Apparently some people rather enjoy engaging in, what I would consider, mundane, endless texting.
On a daily basis, this particular gentleman would start out with “Good Morning”, shift to “How’s Your Day Going”, transition to “Hope You Had A Great Day” and close out with “Have a Great Night”. I just couldn’t understand the concept.
He complained about my lack of texting and slow responses, so I explained that I wasn’t really a great “texter” and that I try to be more deliberate in my communication with people. My texting, or lack of, didn’t necessarily mean I was disinterested. To which he replied, “Glad it’s not just me that feels that way…LOL”.
This felt vaguely like “gaslighting” and a bit passive-aggressive to me so I was really proud of myself for recognizing it and moved on. I truly hope he finds his texting soulmate.
I have an electric drill.
I really should have known better than to take this one at face value, but I had floating shelves that needed hanging and I did NOT have an electric drill. Important note: before you let someone drill holes in the living room wall of your apartment, check out some of their handy work first. For a myriad of other reasons, I ended this relationship before he could repair the wall and get the last shelf up — which to his credit he did try to fix — on two occasions.
I still have a gaping hole in my wall but the Christmas tree is doing a good job of hiding it and I’m moving out soon so it’s all good.
Lesson learned: don’t be lazy, buy some power tools, YouTube that shit and DIY it.
I thought I knew what I wanted
This one is a classic! I’ve heard this one often enough that I can’t recall one specific person or story associated with this phrase, but I know it well. Although a classic, it does lack the imagination of “loose boundaries” however, it is still an effective relationship killer.
There are variations on this phrase that I tend to include under this category such as: “I’m just really busy at work”; “I need to work on myself right now”; “My ex called and I’m really confused”. You get the idea.
It is also common for this sentiment to be thrown your way at the critical juncture in your relationship where you’ve established a few key points:
- You really, really like each other.
- You have so much in common.
- You’re exclusive and OMG this is getting serious!
But it’s not meant to be because the other person has just realized weeks, maybe months, into this relationship that they are having an existential crisis and oh well, sorry for wasting your time!
I’m definitely no expert and I’m really not disparaging the men I’ve dated. (Yes, I’m aware women can say perfectly ridiculous things as well.) I truly look at each encounter as a growth opportunity and wish them well as we go our separate ways. My daughter says I attract these experiences so I have something to write about. I had not thought of that but it’s an interesting theory, I do love a good story!
So, here’s to 2021 and opportunities for interesting conversations and new relationships. And maybe I’ll actually get that third floating shelf up on the wall.
