Most of Us Will Never Live an Extraordinary Life
And that’s ok
Ordinary can be often associated as negative, or inadequate. Most cultures promote the importance of individuality. We need to feel special, as if no one else is like us, and that means something. Even outside of being encouraged to earn money and own material things, we are told to strive to be an important person — a person with influence, someone memorable for future generations.
However, at one point in our lives, all of us realize that most of us will never lead an extraordinary life. But, we do not have be extraordinary to live a good fulfilling life. There is a line from a popular podcast, which goes:
On this day in history: people related to you whose names you don’t know performed actions that were never recorded.
You are a product of the successful survival and procreation from individuals related to you that you have never met, and will never learn about. At most, you may know about your great, great grandparents, or parts of your family lineage through stories and artifacts, and the origin of your ancestry through DNA tests, but will have never learned about each of those individuals. Yet, they are the ones responsible for you being alive today.
Likewise, your great, great, great, however great, grandchildren or closest genetic relative in the future will most likely not remember or learn about you. That doesn’t mean your life is any less worth it, but some of us still have trouble accepting that.
Why do we feel the need to be extraordinary in the first place?
Biology: Is the big reason. We are hardwired to procreate, to leave some sort of legacy or mark behind. There is also a hierarchical nature within the human social organization system. Since status is dynamic, we are willed to do things to maintain or increase our status.
Culture and upbringing: We are told from our parents, teachers, and peers, to learn about the competitive nature of society. We earned praise for achieving high marks, ranking higher than others, for prestige, or making more money. The American dream is built on the idea of buying a house, owning a car, and having a family before a specific age. We are criticized, shunned or made to feel inadequate when we don’t meet these external or self-imposed standards.
Social Media: Social media emergence has made the need for being extraordinary and memorable much more prevalent. We started off with Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Youtube, to now Tiktok and Twitch to name a few. People post the highlights of their life, the best versions of themselves. Or retouched and edited pictures and videos that make it appear as if their life is only filled with highs, achievements and pleasure. We do not get to see the struggle, or the everyday mundane tasks that they do.
Why you don’t need to be extraordinary: human beings basic psychological needs
Self-determination theory coined by Deci and Ryan, in their 2000 paper titled “Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being” talks about how at humanities best we are creative, curious, adventurous and very motivated. We like creating things, and completing tasks for the sake of completing the task, and enjoying the process.
This is known as intrinsic motivation. There are three basic needs of human beings — autonomy, relatedness and competence. These needs foster human beings to grow internally and reach their best self.
- Autonomy: Refers to the ability to make your own choices. While there are certain aspects of life that you cannot choose like your age, sex, past, family or race, you can focus on the choices that you can make now at the present moment.
- Relatedness: We like belonging to groups, being loved and loving in return.
- Competence: We like understanding the world around us, and trying to master the things that we do.
Why the ordinary life is good
You can live an ordinary life and fulfill the three basic psychological needs in your own way, and be internally motivated by tasks that brings you joy and helps you be creative and challenge yourself
We can find our own path in life, and a sense of purpose
Ultimately, everyone can find a purpose in life, and that is what gives life meaning. A meaningful life may not always be extraordinary, but it is certainly worth living for.
We can create things
We are all naturally curious, adventurous and creative. Our creativity can flow through cooking, art, writing, music, songs, ideas, or stories. Since creativity is so innate, it is something we can all do and is never ending. You don’t have to possess extraordinary skills to create things, and you can get better over time no matter when you start.
We can love and be loved
This goes back to relatedness. Social relationships always have ranked high on studies looking into what makes people happy. We like belonging to a group, and not only that, we like giving back to people as much as we enjoy getting things from them. Both brings us meaning. So whether it be family bonds, friendships, a partner, parenthood, or belonging to a community, we can all increase our happiness by spending time with people.
We can learn, master and grow
We can all choose to do at least one thing that we enjoy for the sake of doing the task rather than the end result, or external rewards. This not only gives us meaning, but challenges us and brings out creativity due to little to no external expectations. This could go back to picking a task related to creativity, or even daily tasks that would be considered mundane. It is different for everyone. Some may enjoy the process of cooking, painting, building, writing, exercise, finishing a project or work. We can all complete tasks that we enjoy being challenged by, and getting better at it through conscious effort.
Takeaway
While human beings have an innate tendency to leave behind a legacy of sort, most of us may never be extraordinary enough to be remembered forever. However, the ordinary life is still good. We can live a happy life by following a purpose that we value, loving and being loved, learning, growing and creating. In the end, accepting being ordinary and living a quiet life can also be very fulfilling.
