Self-love and Orgasms — the Two Sides of the Same Coin
We all deserve to give our body the love it deserves.
“Masturbation is a meditation on self-love. So many of us are afflicted with self-loathing, bad body images, shame about our body functions, and confusion about sex and pleasure, I recommend an intense love affair with yourself.”
— Betty Dodson
What is self-love?
According to the Oxford dictionary, it means –
Regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.
Thus, whatever gives me peace and brings me happiness, and what better way to feel outright exceptional through orgasms.
Earth-shattering, self-elevating, seeing stars during the day, and a lot more has been written about orgasms when I read about them in novels and health and lifestyle magazines. But when did I experience one?
But How Does It Happen?
A woman touching herself was pretty unheard of during my college days. We read books and knew that climax works both ways. But how does it work for women? I had no clue.
It bothered me how not important it was to discuss it and how women were least bothered about this critical aspect of their sexual well-being. Whenever I would question my girlfriends about the same, they were outright clueless.
Like me, my friends, too, would not fall for videos that explicitly show the act. We were readers and would let our imaginations lead us to gain new experiences.
When I was in my first relationship, my partner didn’t know how to get me to climax. We both were unaware of what works best, and by the time we could get into a deeper conversation about this, we decided to go our separate ways. I don’t blame him for my lack of orgasms, but I blamed myself that maybe I didn’t try enough or dare to feel this exquisite dose of pleasure.
Until I was introduced to the world of toys.
My work colleague and I were discussing one day what truly makes a woman feel sexy and loved. She uttered orgasms, and I felt myself shrinking. She noticed my immediate change in body language and guessed that I, a 27-year-old, had never experienced an orgasm.
I wasn’t ashamed about it. Instead, I got curious. So curious that I thought there must be something wrong with me. But then my friend helped and helped me buy a toy.
Once it arrived, I wondered, am I crazy? What on earth am I doing?
The Fear of the Unknown
As with experiencing anything new, we land up doubting ourselves and our actions. We are so afraid to try something new because we are so comfortable in our current state. The same applied to me experiencing my first orgasm.
But I knew that this was something I was missing out on, not because other women know how it feels, but I wanted my body and mind to feel loved by giving myself the time and privacy to feel good.
And thus, one day, it happened. I let myself free and let my mind and body experience what true self-love feels like.
I Have the Right to Love Myself
Orgasms, for me, then represented an act of self-love. It is an act that gives my body the pleasure of feeling fantastic and free as a woman. The after-effects of an orgasm relax my mind and body. It helps my body release pent-up sexual tension.
However, now that I know how it feels, I want my friends to feel it and permit themselves to feel this love.
When I speak to my friends about it, they are unaware or rather not interested, like the earlier me. For them, it’s not necessary, and I understand where they are coming from as, like them, I too didn’t feel the need.
Self-love is a term we often use and abide by through comfort food, binge-watching, a walk with nature, etc. However, self-love is an act that we do to feel good mentally and physically. Thus, orgasms should top this list because it is the primary requirement of the body.
We refrain from talking about it as we don’t want to feel like missing out on something. We don’t want to be looked down upon, or we don’t think that it’s something one must experience. The problem is that not many people talk about it to make one feel comfortable discussing it.
When we talk without filters, we create a safe space. It’s only when we feel secure that we vent our deepest emotions. When conversations and confessions aren’t judged, it’s only then that we can allow ourselves to be free to love ourselves. Or else we put ourselves through misery thinking that we are the only one who feels this way.
Self-love and orgasms go together. It is giving yourself the love that cannot be felt by anyone else but you. And isn’t that the true meaning of self-love, ‘regards for one’s happiness?
So, let’s not shy away from this physical act of self-love. It’s all about giving ourselves the love we need without feeling the guilt after enjoying a sinful chocolate pastry. It’s your time when you love your body. It’s as important as your mental wellbeing. We are wired to feel loved and be loved, even if it means locking ourselves up and seeing stars in broad daylight.
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