Sisterhood Among Young Mothers
There is a sisterhood among young mothers nowadays, which my generation of mothers did not have the advantage of.
We had children too, birthed in pain, with blood, sweat, and tears, covered in fears and hopes and tremulous yearnings. We were mothers, too.
And there the similarity ends.
After the new-made mother is asked the usual stock questions about whether it was a ‘normal’ or Caesarean delivery, all attention turns to the baby. Which is as it should be. But somewhere the new mother feels left out.
The lack of sleep time, the lack of rest, the feeling of rebellion, despair, increased manifold by sleep deprivation, and most importantly, the not having anyone to talk to, and the feeling that one’s body is not one’s own anymore. And ALL these feelings, quickly and guiltily suppressed.
There seems to be hope on the horizon now.
My daughter-in-law, in Melbourne, is part of a mothers’ group, where mothers are free to vent their angst in every way they wish to. The fallacy that a mother needs to be in love with her baby 24/7, and that the feeling of irritation, annoyance, and negativity should be quickly and sharply suppressed eats into a new mother’s conscience. I remember how difficult it was when one is not supposed to utter one word of protest, and every piece of ‘help’ for the baby or the mother came with either a rider or sheer emotional blackmail. I remember the number of times every day when I used to weep silently, and then feel dreadful about it, because I was warned so often that having a child was a blessing, and that feeling sad, for whatever reason, would instantly incur the wrath of God, and probably death and disaster for my baby.
No, I don’t look back at those times with joy and tenderness. The only times when I felt blissful was when I used to read to them, and later when they were able to walk and talk, and boy, did those two walk and talk!…But. I feel like a monster even now, stating these facts.
Expressing these feelings does not necessarily mean that you don’t love your baby, it only means that you love yourself, too. The liberation that comes with voicing these feelings marks the difference between sanity and insanity on some days.
And when you have a circle of friends who realise that some days are difficult, but you can talk about it, and find, not only a receptive audience, but also tips for survival, and messages of encouragement, being a mother is truly a miracle.
Three cheers for the mothers’ group and everyone in it, and for the sensitivity and vision that created the group in the first place. We can continue to be sugar and spice and all things nice, with a little help from other sugary, spicy and nice people.
©️ 2021 Suma Narayan. All Rights Reserved.
