Square Peg, Round Hole
And other sayings that make me feel weird
Do people say, “You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole,” to, or about, you? Do you hear other things, like, “You have a unique way of looking at things,” or “Well, that’s a bit different,” even, “You always show us another perspective.”? Sometimes they’re said genuinely, but often with a mocking or sneering tone.
I get this a lot. Always have.
It’s always made me feel as if there was something wrong with me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently because I’ve come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me. I’m a unique human being, just like every other person on the planet.
So… if everyone is unique, why does this saying even exist?
My thoughts led me to deciding that somewhere way back in the distant past of human evolution, there became a move for seizing power. Someone, or a group of someones, made an effort to ‘invent’ societal rules. If you didn’t conform to what they deemed the rules, then they ridiculed you. I like to think of them as the bullies.
Some people, like me, always dig their heels in with bullies. There’s something in my psyche that just makes my hackles come up when someone tells me what to do. People with their hackles up don’t conform, won’t conform, and never will conform.
Over centuries, lots of other people slotted right in with the rules. There must be some sort of comfort in going along with the bullies — no need to get hurt because they are always within the rules and guided, like trains on tracks. In doing this though, I think they gave away their uniqueness, their power.
This ‘society’ then decided that those who would not follow the rules, were outliers, square pegs, misfits, and they ridiculed them.
Over time, the square pegs began to think that they were different and that there was something wrong with them.
In reality, we’re all different shaped pegs. There’s nothing wrong with any of us.
Some people choose to follow rules and they become rounded and slip into those societal structures.
The rest of us aren’t square. We are all different shapes. We dig our own holes and fit into our own world. Sometimes, we might find other unique shapes who have a side that rubs quite nicely against us, so we might hang around together for a bit, sharing ideas, thoughts, actions.
I’m not a square peg but I am different and that’s because I’m unique.
You are unique too.
At the moment, the world seems to be filled with movements where bands of people are supporting each other to reclaim their power, their uniqueness, their sovereignty, their autonomy.
So-called ‘minority groups’ are working together to ensure their voice is heard by society. Banding together creates support, magnifies the intention, and causes a groundswell of activity. But within each group, each individual has to do their own work to reclaim their truth, their identity, their uniqueness.
That is the hardest part.
Each person needs to live their truth, live their uniqueness, live for themselves.
You can be part of a group. You can mix with others. You can do anything you want to do. But you must be your unique and wonderful self. You must live your truth, whatever that may be.
Truth matters. My truth matters. Your truth matters.
It is difficult to stand in your truth, stand by your beliefs, be your unique self. But for me, handing my power away by conforming without consciously working out if it is right for me, is not me being true to myself.
This example is from many years ago but it still bugs me. I grew up in a religious family and was in a youth group. We went, as a group, to protest against abortion. I went, but it bothered me. I thought about it for a long time afterwards and I realised that I didn’t agree with the views of my religion. I was ashamed to have gone to the protest. I didn’t go to any more. But I didn’t express my opinion either. I didn’t want to get into an argument. I didn’t want to be so visibly different to everyone else, even if I was on the inside. Now, I wonder if by voicing my opinion, would others have thought about what they were doing? Would I have changed anything by speaking up?
I think I may have.
I’ve never been good at speaking up. I never want to force my views on others. But I’m starting to see that if I don’t speak, then I may be living my truth but I’m in the dark. No one sees me live my truth. No one sees my truth, my uniqueness.
I need to start shining a light on my truth. I need to show my shape — that I’m not a round peg, nor a square peg, but a unique and wonderful peg all my own.
Can we all reclaim ourselves, our truth, our power? Of course we can. Any time we want to. It may not be easy but we can all do it.
Once we start reclaiming ourselves, I wonder where society will be?
