Why I Have a Hard Time with the Word ‘Settle’
Do I have high standards, or am I finally realizing that I deserve better?
“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”
— Maureen Dowd
There was a time when I wasn’t liked. Or probably I am not even now by some, but I am not aware of them. One of the reasons I think would be my ability to say things as it is when I was in college, or my mindset was a bit different.
I would sometimes wonder what was wrong with me. Why did I turn out the way I did? Was it because of the books my mom introduced to me that made me set high standards for myself, including humility, respect, and accepting people the way they are without judgment?
I remember I came home one day angry and asked my mother why she raised me the way she did, as others thought I was unusual.
Being the unconventional woman that she is, my mother laughed, gave me a warm hug, and told me that I wouldn’t change a thing. And besides, it’s boring to fit in, and why not stand out from the crowd. Her answer moved me, and it shut me up.
But what happened in the process was that I didn’t understand what it meant to settle.
We Know We Deserve Better, and Yet We Settle for Less
For a while, settling for me meant accepting something below your expectations. Like, make a slight adjustment on the local train seat to accommodate another and shove yourself to the side. It meant that I had to give up my comfort to suit someone else’s needs sacrificing my own. But to think of it, the other person didn’t even bother to consider my needs.
You see, all of us are required to settle for various things in life. In love, at work, at home, in relationships. Suppose the negotiation is mutually acceptable — excellent. But if one side of the bar is heavier than the other, that’s when the mind begins to unsettle.
I feel life does an excellent job to keep repeating the same lessons in our life until we learn them thoroughly. For instance, whenever I chose to settle for less every time, I got hurt in the end. Does that mean I shouldn’t have settled and just put my foot down at the very beginning?
It’s strange, but it’s like your heart, mind and every nerve in your body knows when you are settling for less. But often, we choose to ignore that feeling as we are willing to take that risk and succumb to something less than our liking.
We Owe It to Ourselves to Treat Ourselves Better
Of course, we must make a choice. Otherwise, we will be in the same place and never learn. But what after you learn and then set high standards for yourself? Then when you don’t settle, and the world calls you out for it, do you look the other way and walk with your head held high, or do you sit and explain your reasons? Well, I believe that if it feels like talking to the wall when you try and explain, it’s better to walk away.
You see, no matter what our choice, someone will always make us feel that it was the worst decision ever. But do hell with that, as we know how it turned out the last time when we said yes unintentionally.
Thus, don’t settle. The thing is, we fall countless times, and then we learn. We learn that we deserve better and have been through hell and back to be the best version of ourselves that we are today. It’s as if we owe ourselves to treat ourselves with compassion and give ourselves the happiness we deserve.
So the next time you feel a bit unsettled when someone asks you to settle, please don’t. Because it may seem like the right thing to do now, but later it comes back to bite you.
Now life is tricky, I get it, and sometimes we have to settle. It’s a choice, and we must make one when times are hard, or else we will go hungry. But then, some situations present themselves to us, and they seem similar to the experience we have faced before.
In those moments, remember how you were crushed and how you picked yourself up and rebuilt yourself to become the amazing human that you are today. That’s when you don’t settle if you aren’t happy. It’s not worth it. And besides, you know you deserve better even if the world thinks you are making the biggest mistake in your life. Do know that the world didn’t lift you when you were crushed. It was you and you alone, so the choice is yours this time. The world and its opinions can go to hell.
Thanks so much for your time!
