Living Out Loud
Published in

Living Out Loud

Women Can Get Bored of the Same Lover Too

But she opens safely to conscious power.


“Sex is an emotion in motion.”
Mae West

Suppose your woman isn’t giving out like she used to.

What do you do?

Hound her constantly for sex?

Envelope her in a guilt trip?

How about strategically sprinkling in not-so-subtle hints throughout totally unrelated conversations?

You know, if she asks you to pick up milk on the way home from a run, you say, “sure, but what are you gonna do for me tonight?”

“Are you going to give me some milk, baby?”

“A little honey, honey?”

Maybe she ignores you. Perhaps you get frustrated. Maybe, you’ll outright cry for mercy — “When did you become a fricken nun?”

Oh, hun.

She didn’t become a nun. Instead, she probably got bored of having sex with you.

You know how men often joke about eating the same meal day in and day out for the rest of their lives? I can’t tell you often I’ve heard some dimwitted male say, “why should we settle for one woman when there’s so many fish in the sea?”

It’s a bit like that with a feminine caveat.

I know it feels a little harsh to hear that your significant other might be bored of having sex with you. But, on the other hand, I might be streaming in direct mode here. It’s the energy in the air, I think.

Still, suppose there’s one thing I know about women and sex. In that case, her waning interest has little to do with a desire to have sex and everything to do with who she’s having sex with — and what’s going on between her and her partner at an emotional, connective level.

And here’s why: Many women don’t just want sex.

They want to feel desired first. If a woman doesn’t feel desired, then the sex itself may not seem so appealing — particularly when she’s been sleeping with the same fish for a quarter of a century.

Or less.

See? Sexual boredom happens to women, too.

And nostalgia won’t bring back those bygone steamy sessions.

Persistently lathering on the pressure for her to give out won’t suddenly make her hot for you.

Believe it or not, men are not entitled to a woman’s sex because his thumbprint marks the ring on her finger.

He has to do the work.

He needs to show up and make her feel as if she is the most desirable woman on earth, and he has to understand that to feel desired, a woman may sometimes actually move away from her partner — hoping he’ll come running after her.

You see, a woman has to feel her sexuality before fully sharing that part of herself, and most women need a reason to have sex. Otherwise, they might go for a long time without feeling desire at all.

Dormant desire. It happens.

Women can get bored of the same lover too, but she opens safely to conscious power.

So, a manifestation of her desire to feel sexy may show up as her tendency to pull away from her man, hoping that he’ll give chase and step up in her presence. Rather than take her role in his life for granted. As so often is the case between couples who have been together for an extended period.

What men need to understand is that a woman must test, challenge, and poke him. She’ll naturally push up against him to feel his strength, boundaries, and spine. And being there for her is so much of how a man loves and cares for a woman.

I’m talking about the energy basis between men and women, and it’s precisely what I’ve expressed to my husband many times when he’s complained about my, at times, lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom.

But we don’t want to have to tell our men something they ought to know instinctively. Because we figure our men should innately realize that if we’re not putting up a challenge for him to demonstrate his male proficiency and trustworthiness, it means our care factor is zero.

Make sense?

So, instead of complaining about the lack of sex in your life, how about putting in some thoughtfulness? A little TLC action — effort?

How about adopting a mature growth mindset and taking the time to learn what makes your woman feel sexy, and more importantly, being there in the way she needs you to be?

That means realizing that the spark isn’t always going to burn the way we’d all like. We change. None of us are the same people we were when we first met, which means adapting and evolving is essential to a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Each woman is different, but we all need to feel seen, desired, loved, and held by our men. Other than what I’ve already mentioned, let’s discuss what may help to reawaken a woman’s sexual desire:

Begin With the Mind

To the forward-thinking guy who seeks to give and receive pleasure, please engage in a giant dollop of mental stimulation.

Women are wired differently from men when it comes to sex. We need to feel a specific connection (and desire). Our arousal begins from within. So, as long as you know how to excite her mind, you’ll be on track to getting her tingling in the right places.

It ripples into the sex. Trust me.

You don’t need a master’s degree, but you need to bring something interesting to the pre-sex lingo.

Fantasies. Thoughts that arouse you and involves your lady. Dirty, intricate details – things like that will intrigue her mind and switch her body on.

An intelligent conversation won’t go astray either. Many women love an open mind because a need for mental connection is a must for them to move ahead with their physical chemistry — this is true for new and seasoned relationships as we grow and move through life.

Think of it like the sexuality continuum — desire begins and continues in mind. It takes dedication, but when a woman feels connected and bonded to her man through the mind, the stimulation overflows into soulful ecstasy.

Follow With Your Lips

I love lips.

They are even better when they’re whispering in my ear so that I can feel my lover’s warm breath and skin against my own.

It’s just sexy.

It doesn’t even matter what he says (within reason), so long as he says it with husk and lust.

Lips are perfect for kissing too.

Were you aware?

Deep passionate Frenchies. Light feathery body grazes. Sensual sucking.

It’s a shame that many long-term couples so often allow the passionate kissing they once enjoyed to fall to the wayside because kissing releases the body’s feel-good chemicals that keep us bonded.

I discovered that thinking about it has a similar effect (mental stimulation idea right there).

Discover the Power of Touch

Did you know that the power of touch is profound and linked to long-term wellbeing?


Physical contact is as essential as food and security because it can strengthen connections, heal, communicate, influence, and soothe us uniquely.

Like the times when words become irrelevant – not enough – touch can convey the depth of our love, express the intensity of our desire, and reveal the truths in the soul.

Throw in scented candles, sexy vibes, hot towels — skin on skin – eye contact.

There is nothing quite like the sensation of massage to rekindle desire.

In another life, I have studied therapeutic massage and aromatherapy. Massage is beneficial in several ways:

  • Mental relaxation
  • Emotional rejuvenation
  • Sexual arousal
  • Stress relief

In addition, massage aids in releasing negativity, promotes intimacy, and lets you let go of insecurities.

Besides, it just feels damned good.

Touch is fundamental to the human experience. It is most likely no accident then that the lack of emotional or physical connection is often spoken in terms of contact — tactless, lost touch with, out of touch.

Bring on Your Gentleman

Being a gentleman is still relevant today, and most women still like a bit of chivalry. So we appreciate it when a man treats us like a lady.

Well, naturally, I can’t speak for every woman. But I like what this article has to say about it.

“Today, being a gentleman is a matter of choice. It is a title you earn through an unwavering commitment to invest in your character. Gentlemen are not stiff, pretentious, or focused on elevating themselves. Instead, they strive to succeed while helping those around them succeed as well. Being a gentleman means that you care about how your choices impact others. It is about human connection.”

Repeat: Human connection.

Being a gentleman encompasses many attributes. But, at its essential core, it is the desire to be graceful and respectful in your attitude and outlook on life.

It also means throwing away things like pestering your woman for sex without putting in the effort to awaken her sexual desire and allow it to evolve as you both grow. Finally, it means accepting that people change, and so does a woman’s sexuality as she matures and becomes more attuned with her body.

The thing about it is a woman needs to know that her man wants to be intimate with her not just because he wants to get his rocks off but also because he wants to do it for her.

It’s the only gentlemanly thing to do.

Do you have a protective awareness over your woman’s wellbeing? Are you present with her?

Because this is what a woman needs to witness in her man before she can come to truly trust him with her body, heart, soul, and life — the same enduring qualities that keep a woman evergreen and flowering for her man.

That’s quality love and connection.

And what every woman is looking for in a mate — to feel like she’s the only woman on earth to you.

I am sure that no woman could grow bored when a man loves her in this way.



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