You Know What Takes Guts? Asking for Help.
Yes, vulnerability requires courage, but in the end, you’ll heal and inspire countless others, too.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
— Albus Dumbledore
By far my most favourite quote in the Harry Potter series. You know why? Because if you read between the lines, it tells us that to look for the ‘light’, we need to act, even if it means extending our hands and asking for help.
Books, news periodicals and others preach the act of service. We all know that the act of kindness is what gives us a sense of purpose. During service, we are not thinking of any personal benefit. We look to serve for the greater good, and that is precisely how it should be.
However, what about when we need help? What about the times our minds and our bodies refuse to get out of bed? How many times have we stopped ourselves from making that phone call only because we do not want to burden anyone with our problems? How many times have we spoken to the walls instead of a person over the phone?
Countless, I believe.
According to an article published by CNBC on why asking for help is so hard:
People are hardwired to want to do things on their own and be independent-minded, Bouchard says.
Asking for help often makes people feel uneasy because it requires surrendering control to someone else. “There are some people who really have a hard time with that piece of it,” she says.
Another fear is being perceived as needy. “We don’t want to be ashamed of our situation, or come across as incompetent,” she says. “So we work really hard to make sure people don’t see us this way.”
We all want things to be in our control. But we all know that no matter how hard we try; something will always slip and that tower of cards is just a breath away from tumbling.
We all get 24 hours in a day, and every hour is dedicated to some form of activity. When we make ourselves so busy, we either eat our feelings or wonder if anyone will have time for us. However, let’s change the narrative here. If we start to feel that someone will not have the time, stop to think and take notice — the other person may be thinking the same thing.
Why do we forget that we are humans, after all? We have so many ups and downs in life because we are continually chasing new challenges that give us a sense of fulfilment. If we were to sit and do nothing all day, there would not be any life event happening in our lives right now.
Each one of us is living in a different timeline. Some have already been through what we are going through, and some may be going through the same thing. The problem that we are facing may be something that others have dealt with or will be able to provide the next small step to help us see the light at the end of the tunnel.
As the famous novelist Paulo Coelho rightly said:
“When in doubt, just take the next small step.”
You, too, must make that phone call and stick through the dial tone, even though your heart is racing, and your mind is swimming with ridiculous assumptions begging you to hang up.
It’s not easy. Sometimes it feels as intimidating as asking someone out. But what have we got to lose? For all you know, in the process of showing your vulnerability, you may shed the veil of pretense someone else is carrying.
The thing is, asking for help is often seen as a sign of weakness. Look at it the other way around, and you will realise that it’s just the opposite. Here’s how:
Acceptance
First, acknowledge the problem you are facing. That itself is strength in its most pure form as most people do not want to accept that something is wrong. Without acceptance, healing can never begin.
Action
Second, you act. This is where most people back out, but the results can be beyond your imagination if done in the right manner. Call a family member or a friend. Reach out to a therapist or enrol yourself in a support group. All of these acts require the courage to show your vulnerable side.
Response
Lastly, you get a response. Whether positive or negative, you at least tried. People do not even want to try, fearing the outcome. That is weak and not what you are trying to do. Because at the end of the day when you go to bed, you will at least be satisfied that you tried, rather than feeling you wasted another day.
As Albert Einstein said:
“You never fail until you stop trying.”
You, too, must keep trying.
Asking for help shows that you are trying to change, improve and evolve — which only makes you stronger.
