Commuteasaurus Rex
One pitfall that I think most people, myself definitely included, are ensnared by is taking for granted their surroundings due to familiarity with them; what was once new and exciting becomes commonplace and you stop seeing the luster that was once so apparent. The fallacy that “the grass is always greener” stems from this notion that “anywhere is better than here” that emerges when you can no longer see the forest from the trees.
It’s certainly something that is experienced traveling. In looking back at the pictures from my first trip to Delhi, it’s hilarious to see what’s captured: a cycle rickshaw, a tuk-tuk, trucks overloaded with goods, trash; all the things that at one time shocked and amazed that have now become part of every day life.
It’s not just funny, unfortunately, it’s also quite sad. I also am getting better at blocking out the panhandlers covered in dirt and grime who are sometimes mere babies they’re so young. I had one poor soul approach me this morning as I left the train station and, as ashamed as I am to admit this, my first thought was completely selfish, hoping that the little boy wouldn’t grab me because he was so dirty he’d befoul my clothes.
You lose perspective a bit, or I do at least. I stop seeing the sadhus (holy men), stop hearing the azaan (call to prayer) from my neighborhood mosque, and stop feeling like I’m in some place special; it all just becomes part of the daily grind and, given my fundamental negativity, an annoyance as I just try to get to work or home as peacefully as possible.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently as feeling this way raises certain questions that one inevitably faces when living abroad: Am I doing the right thing by being here? If I’m so annoyed by this place, why bother staying? What’s the impetus behind feeling this way, is it all in my head? These are only natural considering you’re far away from friends, family, and familiarity.
It was easier in Cambodia because I truly love Phnom Penh, loved teaching kids, and was with someone to share the experience. Regrettably, such is not the case here in India as I’ve had to learn to like being here. Also, I’m here alone so the aspect of a “shared experience” is lacking, at least with those I knew before I arrived. Thankfully I’ve made a lot of friends here to share this adventure with, which certainly helps. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are parts of India that I truly do love and enjoy having access to, most notably the Himalayas. That said, I do not like Delhi, which is unfortunate considering it is my “home”. I’ve been to hundreds of cities around the world and it very well may be my least favorite.
So what to do then? I don’t want to leave because I feel committed to the job I have and want to see the sanitation project we’ve undertaken through to the end. There are thousands of lives that are, whether they now it or not, depending on us to provide facilities that will improve, if not save, lives. That’s a powerful motivator. I give myself a hard time when I get annoyed and angry about trifling things that really don’t have a bearing on how my life should be perceived. I’m living quite an amazing life and any issues I face could be chalked up to a spoiled kid bitching about “first world problems”.
What I’m trying to do is recapture the magic. Stay the course here and rediscover the luster that was here the first time I visited and still remained when I originally moved here. To stop and smell the roses and appreciate the wonder of my surroundings, though that metaphor is a little ill-placed when talking about Delhi.
My first step on this is to improve my attitude around my daily commute. It takes about an hour-and-a-half each way and I’ve really come to loathe it. Naturally, approaching this with such predetermined negativity née hostility leaves only one possible outcome: that I will not enjoy the experience. This in turn leads to a somnambulation of sorts as, like a zombie seeking human flesh to devour, I am singularly focused on getting from Point A to Point B and am oblivious to my surroundings.
I decided to shoot a video (spoiler alert: shot with my cell phone, so it’s shaky and the picture quality blows) capturing the magic of commuting. It’s an interesting phenomenon, but somehow seeing it through this lens makes everything appear different, more exotic. It’s baby steps at this point, but something’s got to give. Delhi sure as shit isn’t going to change to suit my needs, so the only option is to give a little on my end, let go, and just enjoy an experience of a lifetime.
In any event, you can see the video here if you’re so inclined:
Originally published at kevinshane.me on June 20, 2013.
