PMonkIs Trying #17 Fear not?

OF FEAR

“The thing I fear most is fear.” This from Montaigne a good 360 years before Franklin Delano Roosevelt bucked up his compatriots with the stirring, remarkably similar sentiment ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.’ This idea has kicked around a good bit. During the Depression, business people wanted folks to stop worrying and start buying; fear was the enemy. Not predatory business practices or anything like that, or robber barons or Ponzi schemes, heaven forfend. The phrase has a storied lineage, with variations from Thoreau, Francis Bacon and the Duke of Wellington kicking around. And it sounds good, really catchy. But does it make any sense? And is not being afraid of fear going to keep you from being afraid, or just not feeling bad when you do?

I’m afraid of a bazillion things, some of them of small consequence , like I’m afraid that I’ll misplace my fancy car key, it costs a couple hundred dollars to replace it. Some of them are major- disease, accidents, disaster are always looming, there’s no way to ward them off, we’re all bound to die one way or another, sooner or later. And I am more afraid of these things happening to someone I care about than to me. I figure, when my end comes, I’ll convince myself it’s a jumping off place to the next iteration, whatever that may be, and I’ll look forward to it. (that’s the plan anyhow). I can’t feel that way about anyone else’s fate.
I’m also afraid I’ll do something that will cause me remorse and shame that I can’t rationalize and I’ll have to live with forever, that will make a story I will be horrified to tell, but can’t deny. That’s a real fear and it keeps me thinking about the ramifications of my actions, even tiny ones. Like this time I was out biking with David and he was ahead of me. I heard the rumble of distant thunder. Two things about that. One is that once you hear the thunder it inevitably means that the lightning storm is heading your way, and I am PETRIFIED of being caught out in lightning storms. I knew David was oblivious and he was out of earshot and sight. I thought to myself, should I run for cover, or should I wait for David to turn around? Just how much did I love him? I decided I’d rather be struck by lightning waiting for him than have to live to tell the story how I abandoned him to his fate. He did eventually come back, the storm broke around us in all of its fury, and we biked like we were pursued by demons to get under cover. I’m writing this so we weren’t struck down, but it felt personal as though Zeus himself was toying with us (I assume if Zeus wanted to have us fried, he could have.)
So some fears I can conquer, other ones I have decided I can live with. The ocean wins, for example, I don’t need to prove that I’m brave enough to go beyond the surf. I’m not. I probably won’t ever do stand up, the break in period is long, intense and hard; I spent enough years being humiliated when I started teaching middle school. I had no choice but to work that out, because I feared unemployment worse than spit wads and disrespect. In that case, fear was a motivator, so perhaps that’s an upside to the emotion. I’m ok with that.

So mostly fear is an impediment to living fully. Here’s an excerpt from a letter I received via social media some years ago. I don’t know the person who wrote it, she was the wife of a colleague of David’s who married her long after he left Cornell. But it was shared and I ended up with it, and I will save this letter forever. She’s a young mother who just found out she was afflicted with ALS, and was sending out word to her friends and family. This is just a piece of her serenity.
I hope you will forgive me for taking advantage of this golden ticket to ask for whatever I want — but it is my privilege and the gift of this moment and I am going to eagerly accept all gifts that come offered up. What I am asking is very bold, and very personal, but I KNOW each of you can do it for me. First and foremost, please join me in my firm belief that fear is a false god that we give our power to in the hope that it will protect us. I refuse to give fear my power, ever. I am banishing fear as a demon, and casting it out of my being. I am recognizing fear for what it is — an imagination of my mind which is not as real as the very deep stillness, peace and love that is the foundation of our existence and is abundantly available to us in every moment if we are aware enough to see it and feel it — and I am aware enough. Please join me in this. To be blunt, if you are afraid for me, then you are not offering the fullest support for my experience. So, what can you do to help? Refuse to fear for me and my family.
So banishing fear sounds good enough as a rule, except when it’s useful and prudent to be afraid. In the movie INSIDE OUT, fear is one of the emotions personified, and is given the task of keeping Riley, the young heroine, safe. Some things make sense to avoid: open flames, dark alleys, poisonous mushrooms. Fear teaches us to be wary of them. Reasonable risks must be weighed against excessive caution. Cars and planes crash; I still use them to go places. People sicken and die; I still allow myself to love them.

Ok so I fear fear and know I shouldn’t. I also hate hate. And I am violently against violence, and am prejudiced against prejudiced people. And while I’m at it, I am extremely moderate and I won’t tolerate intolerance. Just so you know where I stand on all this.