Shipwrecked!
- On Existential Crisis
Traveller!
Traveller I have been, traveller through time, space, countries, ideas, philosophies.
Eagerly imbibing adventure, like one dragged parched from the hottest desert. Restless soul, never quite able to rest in a feeling of come home.
Roamer I have been, on the landscape of life; gratefully seizing fleeting, and how fleeting, moments of ecstasy, and then, the feeling bereft as that, as all emotion, gracefully passed on by.
Sailor I have been, full sail ahead to lands unknown, wind in my hair, exhilaration my middle name, heart apounding , I’ll find it — I will — just around the next corner, the next island that looms enticingly on the distant horizon, palm trees awaving, beckoning, come hither, I am the land of your dreams, here you’ll finally lay your head in contentment on some darling’s shoulder…
Storm!
Battered I’ve been. Bruised and wounded, lashing out in blind pain, tossed on an ocean of uncertain end as my faithful boat is torn asunder and pieces of splintered timber float away — out of reach — and my carefully constructed , polished and cared for vessel holds me safe no longer and I drift, my compass quivering and directionless…
Shipwrecked!
Shipwrecked we become…
And how that shipwrecked one suffers; fear of annihilation from the sea, physical anguish of abrasions from the coarse sand as it rubs away the skin as the waves wash over us as we lay beached after the terrible storm that brought us to these distant shores; emotional anguish of loneliness, fear of loss, of abandonment, self pity, panic, sensations of never being enough; spiritual anguish of what went wrong with that trajectory I planned so confidently, on what shores have I now been washed up upon, what is it that I am now called on to be, fear of failure, how can I do anything , what can I measure myself against now?
And I realise that it is only when the shipwrecked one has learnt to be completely self reliant, and built a hut from driftwood, found enough coconuts both to refresh, and use as bowls, learnt to catch fish, and learnt the value of treasuring one’s own company, that one day the ship comes along that will take us back into society. That way only the ones who never give up, seize the opportunity in the crisis, make it through — when they have learnt that there is no one to rely on but themselves and their own resourcefulness, when they have learnt to trust that there will always be a way if one remains open to possibility, for it is then, and only then, that we might finally have the resources with which to re enter the world and give our gift.
And the suffering slowly, but surely, through despair and pain, brings about an awareness of the resources hidden deep within, yet untapped treasure, resilience, strength, inner peace, being of the world , not just simply being in the world. And so the shipwrecked ones must save themselves before returning to the world, for until they can they will feel no rest. The striving must stop, and acceptance take its place, for it is acceptance that will change the world, acceptance of self. That self has always been there, is all that has ever been needed, and all that ever will be.
Gladly then dost the shipwrecked one return to civilisation, humbly, at peace, there is no place to go, and home truly is where the heart resides, right here, inside. And that precious gift we offer the world — why- it was our own self all along.
Welcome. Well met.
Copyright: Stephanie AW Bradley, Bowden House, 2008
