Doubt Still Triggers Me
This is the ongoing journal of my personal awakening. Through up to date and un-edited realness, I hope to help you walk through your own awakening with more balance, love and ease.
Why do I doubt and question and poke holes?
Every time I do something new —
the questions come back again.
Will it work?
Am I crazy to trust?
I pull the rug out from under myself —
to avoid the pain of it happening to me.
Taking away the element of surprise,
yet making it inevitable.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Asking what if —
What if I try and it doesn’t work?
What if I don’t try at all?
There are endless doubts to pick from,
and they are all the same.
Doubt.
Disbelief.
Questioning.
Fear.
Where do you come from?
Why are you always there?
Tormenting me —
always a step behind me.
Following me.
I want to escape.
Escape the never ending questions.
The self-critic inside,
who wants to know what I think I’m doing.
Where does she come from?
Habit.
Practice.
Repetition.
Does she ever leave?
Once in a while.
She comes and goes,
more lately than she ever did before.
I invite her to show herself to me —
a small child, afraid.
Trying to keep me safe.
It’s ok I tell her,
taking her hand.
Guiding her into the light.
I am here.
I’ve got this.
We’re ok.
Julia Coplan, an intuitive artist, uses dance, photography and writing to get unstuck from mental chatter and allow creativity to flow through.
