Gas and Brakes
This is the ongoing journal of my personal awakening. Through up to date and un-edited realness, I hope to help you walk through your own awakening with more balance, love and ease.
Good morning. I’m tired. And I have no idea where this is going today. That’s ok. We don’t need to know, we just need to go. But that is scary — to start without knowing where we will end up. That’s ok. This will get easier with time and practice. Am I crazy to take on this project? Maybe. But mostly it feels exciting. I feel the pull to post the next story and the next after that. So what if it’s scary. It feels right to me in this moment. It only just started and I’m already putting pressure on myself. What if this isn’t good enough? What if this has no meat to it? What if I’m just repeating the same things over and over?
Rehashing the same old things in new clothes? Isn’t that what I do in my head? Yes — I have a hard time letting things go. So I play them over and over to see the different ways they could have played out. Or to convince myself there was no other way it could have gone. Maybe getting it all out on paper will help me free up some space for more openness, creativity, flow to come after. Maybe this is just the phase I need to go through to get to what comes next. And that is ok. I just wish I could question it less. I wish I could question everything less. Time and practice. Time and Practice.
I feel like I have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes. Part of me wants to put everything out there. Share my dance videos with everyone. Because the more times I watch them the more I like them. The more I see what my intention was and what dancing does for me. Dancing is how I move through the emotions that are spinning around in my head. It’s how I give them life and then move through them — one to the next so I don’t get stuck. So I can keep going, flowing with life. And I see that when I watch. I also see how personal they are and part of me wants to hide them and keep them just for me.
That’s ok. It’s ok to feel uncertain. It’s ok to feel unclear. It’s ok to feel pulled in two directions. I don’t have to talk myself out of any of these feelings. I can move through them and I can dance through them. And that will keep me going. One step at a time.
Julia Coplan, an intuitive artist, uses dance, photography and writing to get unstuck from mental chatter and allow creativity to flow through.
