Outside of Time
This is the ongoing journal of my personal awakening and that of the Love YOUniversity (TM) tribe with the help of The Love You Method (TM). Through up to date and un-edited realness, I hope to help you walk through your own awakening with more balance, love and ease in all core areas of life and business.
When it came time to start on today’s post, I felt myself fighting against the creative flow. I tried to consciously control the process — to impose an idea of how things should go. And it felt stiff, wrong.
Usually, when I create blog posts I write first, then dance after. As the emotions move out onto the paper, they come alive in my body and then when I dance, they can express with ease. This time, I tried to do the process in reverse. I tried to dance before writing to suit my schedule better. Although there was nothing wrong with the videos I created, when I watched them, I couldn’t feel the truth of my experience in the moment as I usually do. And because the videos felt off, I found myself sinking into resistance towards creating a blog post at all. I just didn’t want to do it anymore.
And yet, over the past year I’ve learned that in the moments when writing feels like the hardest thing, when it’s the last thing that I want to do, those are the very moments I need to write the most. Those are the moments I need to sit down and befriend my experience, by giving it a voice no matter what it is, and without needing it to change or go away.
And so, it was in allowing myself to write about the problem of not wanting to write, allowing myself to feel more of the stuckness I was in, that I found I already had the answers within myself. I’ve learned to let my conscious mind step aside and allow higher perspective to flow through my pen, and from there to allow that higher perspective to express through me in dance. After writing I danced again, and it was so much easier than the first attempt. On watching the recording, this time I found it felt real, more honest.
Even though my human mind can doubt and question if it’s worth writing about not wanting to write, I’ve learned that sharing my honest experience, no matter how mundane, is exactly what I need to help me continue to expand myself through these difficult times. Sharing my true self in the moment is exactly what I need to keep creating a more and more expanded version of myself — and she is exactly the one who can help the younger versions of me who are in need of support, encouragement, and unconditional love to help me through this moment and come out the other side stronger.
I do not want to write today.
I feel off,
tight,
twisted inside.
My mind goes blank.
Usually,
the ideas flow
to my pen tip
as it reaches the page.
Today,
I sit and just feel
the resistance.
I’m tired
of fighting the current,
fighting myself.
It’s exhausting.
I’m tired of repeating
the same patterns
over and over.
Where do I go from here?
I don’t know
and that scares me.
I feel as if a black hole is looming
in front of my line of sight.
I can’t see around it —
I only see the darkness inside.
I wonder where its depths lead.
I feel out of order today,
outside of time.
I’m a grain of sand
who has escaped her hourglass.
I’m floating in space,
untethered.
That scares me too.
It’s ok,
we’re ok —
I hear a whisper.
We are always together.
I look around
to see hundreds of grains of sand.
They are other versions of myself
floating out in the ether too —
some from my past,
some from the future.
I can feel them,
hear them calling out to me.
There must be a way to join forces,
to work together,
to keep going together.
I feel them drawing closer to me,
slowly yet surely.
I hear them now,
hundreds of voices reassuring me.
It’s ok,
we’re here together with you.
We can keep going
one step at a time
through the unknown,
together.
Julia Coplan, an intuitive artist, uses dance, photography and writing to move through the extreme isolation of mental turmoil by connecting with her body, inner guidance and higher consciousness to befriend the difficult emotions and remember that we are never truly alone. As a guide with Love YOUniversity ™, she guides healers, coaches and artists in becoming irresistible to love, money, purpose and joy through awakening. Connect with Julia at loveyoumethod@gmail.com to sign up for a complementary 30-minute solution session to help you get clear on your next steps in magnetizing yourself to next-level relationships, purpose, prosperity and joy all areas of life and business.
