Reboot
This is the ongoing journal of my personal awakening. Through up to date and un-edited realness, I hope to help you walk through your own awakening with more balance, love and ease.
My body is rebooting.
For the past week I’ve feared
my body is shutting down.
Collapsing in on itself
like a black hole.
The weight of standing
is like holding a thousand pounds.
Gravity itself is a challenge
to overcome with each step —
like my feet are stuck in a mud pit.
Each time I try to raise one foot free
I hear that sucking sound — phook!
My foot breaks free for just a moment
before being pulled back down.
Why now?
Right when I was making so much progress?
I was dancing and walking
with minimal pain for weeks!
And now it feels like I’m starting over.
That scares me —
for the pain to be back
at the level it was months ago.
And yet here I am
after a week of slogging through the mud,
the muck.
Finding myself in a place
where I can see the break in the trees,
the light overhead.
My body is re-creating itself —
rebooting for the next level of growth.
And it’s only in reflecting back
that I see how it serves me.
I was out of alignment.
My foundation needed more shoring up.
Only a few days ago I was flailing wildly —
reaching out to grasp anything
that would tether me to reality.
I struggled,
fighting against myself.
That’s all it was — fighting myself.
My own growth.
Protecting and tensing
to ward off the pain.
I let go of the white-knuckled grip,
I let that tether go slack,
and the breath rushes back into my lungs.
Here I am now still wobbly.
Yet getting stronger every day.
My next phase of evolution.
What does dance look like
from this vantage point?
It’s ok that I can barely move
from the spot where I sit.
This is still the movement
from within flowing out
in the moment.
It’s how I move
through the mud and muck
to come out the other side.
It’s how I remember myself
when it seems so dark.
And it’s how I create myself,
re-group to forge ahead.
Julia Coplan, an intuitive artist, uses dance, photography and writing to get unstuck from mental chatter and allow creativity to flow through.
