The Other Shoe
This is the ongoing journal of my personal awakening. Through up to date and un-edited realness, I hope to help you walk through your own awakening with more balance, love and ease.
Playing mental twister,
I wind myself up like a propeller —
tighter and tighter.
The rubber band twisting,
readying to snap back on itself,
to unravel.
Fight or flight.
On guard.
Body tensed,
prepped to run
at a moment’s notice.
The pit in my stomach.
Heart racing in my chest.
I pounce on my phone
with each buzz.
Waiting in suspended animation.
A million scenarios play out in my head.
Spiraling into the what ifs.
The hardest part is not knowing —
holding that empty space open.
Like a black hole
it sucks in a million thoughts
that rush at me like waves.
Crashing over me,
knocking me back.
They keep me gasping,
grasping at straws.
Lines in my mind.
Pulling myself back to shore
to see where the line of thought takes me.
I end up back where I began —
in the dark.
Blind.
Unsure what is happening.
Instead of letting the darkness rest,
I poke and prod.
Pushing into the emptiness with torches.
Trying to shed some light
on the mystery around me.
What did I do?
What could I have done differently?
Suddenly,
a new thought occurs to me.
What if this has nothing to do with me?
The thought stops me in my tracks.
It seems counter intuitive
to what I’ve been doing,
waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Wondering what I could have done
to change the outcome.
What if it’s not my outcome to change?
What if it’s not about me at all?
I need help holding this space.
I’m not strong enough yet.
I’m fighting the pull of waves,
crashing back in on me.
It’s ok —
I tell the little ones within.
This is new
and uncharted territory.
I am here,
we will traverse it
together.
Julia Coplan, an intuitive artist, uses dance, photography and writing to get unstuck from mental chatter and allow creativity to flow through.
