You Own All The Words To Your Story
He used his index finger to trace my skin with the words he tended to mumble under his breath. Sweep by sweep he taught me to understand the waves that lived in his mind.
I had my own waves. They were actively teaching me a dance that I was in charge of teaching someone else.
With each pull and push, I learned new words that brought me home. Anchored in myself is why I could let him in.
Anchored in myself is why I could let him in.
The way I tried to learn and understand my own waves. The permission I gave myself to experiment with words, phrases, feelings, that I’d never met before. These were the reasons that I could hold his hand or say words aloud even when my eyes weren’t brave enough to stay open or focused while I did.
I tell stories. With each second I struggle to get the words out, I’m a living example of how being vulnerable and sharing is not always the easiest thing to do. It’s jumping into a dark hole, knowing it’s your only option, and praying that there’s a cushion for you to land on.
I choose vulnerability because it breaks the cycle of self-harm. It invites others in and unlocks the door to let you out.
I choose speaking, stringing all the words into run on sentences if I have to, because that’s how I find the concise thought. If I lived in my mind until I figured it out, I’d never speak my truths.
I want to speak my truths. I want to understand the moment I’m in, sympathize with the girl who’s trying. I want to hug her and remind her that she’s loved, that she’ll get there. That she does this for herself. She uses all the words she needs to use because she’s not prioritizing someone else’s understanding of her, she’s prioritizing her own.
She’ll keep teaching him the dance, as she learns it. He’ll keep writing on her skin until he can find the words.
The more anchored they get in themselves, the more they’ll let each other in.
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I’m the founder of toodamnyoung.com. You can find me talking about mental health, grief and work-life on Living Vulnerably: https://medium.com/living-vulnerably
I also host Creating Espacios, podcast for the next generation of Latina trailblazers.
Follow along as I condense essays into 140 characters: https://twitter.com/vivnunez
