Autism or Misbehavior
Is your child acting different since they got diagnosed with autism? Is it autism or is it misbehavior they likely would have had whether autistic or not? Is the behavior even new or is it just more noticeable?
I am an autistic adult who has worked with autistic children for 20 years. I have been asked multiple times about a child’s behavior and sometimes it has nothing to do with autism. Sometimes it is just that the child has been recently diagnosed and rather than treating the misbehavior as something most kids do and have to learn from they look for autism to be the excuse instead. This can quickly turn into autism being used as a crutch and a spoiled child whose parents feel they can do no wrong because they have autism and just don’t know better. When any child misbehaves it is often because they don’t know any better. It’s not because of a disorder; it’s because they are a child and have to be taught to act right. It is the same with autistic children. A parent has to look at the behavior and think is it something any other kid might do or is it something that is often associated with autism. I was diagnosed late at 18. My mom started thinking everything I did wrong was due to my autism rather than the fact I was a teenager. I actually ended up having to tell her to stop blaming everything on autism and that me getting diagnosed didn’t change that I’m the same kid she’s raised. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether the behavior is from autism or just normal childhood behavior but that is a time when as a parent you just have to use your best judgment.
Sometimes the behavior can be a mixture of autism and behavior a child might would use anyway. For my son and I, both autistic, we wouldn’t stay in the right classroom in school. I would go with my friend to the track or gym or I’d be going to the office seeing if there was anything I could do up there just because I was too bored in class. My son did something similar, consistently leaving the class he was supposed to be in and going to the classroom of a teacher he liked better. To a parent, this might be something they’d want to look at as being because of autism. While it could be partially explained as part of autism because it’s a way of coping with being uncomfortable, it can also be just plain misbehavior. My friend who I would skip class with isn’t autistic at all and kids have skipped class probably since class has existed once they figured out how. I feel like had punishment been used I would have stopped and my son would have too. I didn’t feel right punishing for it because it’d be so hypocritical and my parents never were told I was skipping and never knew. I guess considering the social problems I had my teachers didn’t see me skipping as such an issue since I made good grades.
A good way to know a behavior is caused by autism other than research and thinking about how you or your friends acted as a kid is to take corrective measures and see if the behavior stops or improves. If it doesn’t, it’s likely it is caused by autism and punishment for it won’t really help other than to brainwash. It might sound harsh to punish not knowing whether or not the behavior can be helped but sometimes it’s the best way of finding out. Also by punishment I mean taking away a privilege or a simple time out/time in (however you do that), not physical punishment. A simple meaningful punishment for the misdeed is all it takes. Also, I don’t recommend using punishment at all if the child can’t understand what they did and recommend trying reinforcement first, but I’ll do a full article on that later. If the same behavior persists after reinforcement or punishment, it is likely something they are having trouble controlling or can’t control.
Just because a child is autistic doesn’t mean all their behavior is caused by autism. It is important to remember that they are still a child and will still do childish things that have nothing to do with autism. Autism is a part of who they are but it isn’t everything about them. Think about your own childhood, research if the behavior is consistent with autism, and if all else fails use reinforcement or a small punishment to know the difference. Whether a child has autism or not, the parents are going to misjudge at times and it shouldn’t be something that just makes them blame everything on autism.
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