Learn About Autism from an Autistic: Runaways
There are some autistic children who will try to run away from home. While this can be due to a trauma or not getting their way just like any other child, I want to focus on those who run away for no known reason. This behavior can be dangerous and can even lead to the child being removed from your home.
This was an experience I had to learn about recently through my youngest’s foster to adoption process. I originally thought he was just trying to run off because he wanted to go back to an older home, but later learned he’d been running away since he was 5 even with his original family. I had heard stories of autistic kids running away but I hadn’t ever seen it in real life. I honestly didn’t know what to do and people who found him weren’t much help. First, he went to a Waffle House and instead of reporting something to be strange the workers there gave him free food. This is while I was notifying his teachers, the police, and looking for him. The police brought him home and said that if it happened again I’d be going to jail for child neglect. This was the first time it’d happened and he didn’t just walk to his school so it was the first time police were notified. I was hoping for some tips on what to do but instead got threatened and didn’t feel like I should say anything further to them.
I had tried talking with his therapist, who also figured the problem was just he was trying to go to a former home or that he didn’t like some rules I had. I had tried turning his doorknob around at night so he couldn’t go out of his room, which led to him going out the window. I tried caulking his windows shut, which led to him using a butterknife he’d snuck in his room to scrape off the caulk and get out. I’d tried punishment which was taking away all electronics, which I believe only made him want to get out more. Also note that he was a foster child so I was limited on what I could do for punishment. The case worker also tried to help through talking with him, but was never helpful in telling me what I should do.
Part of the problem was he was playing a game and I was playing it with him unknowingly. Changing locks, turning knobs, caulking windows, etc. were all playing into his game which was I would try to stop him from escaping and he would find a way out anyway. To me it was a stressful crisis but to him it was a fun game. The best thing I ever did was to give up and tell him he’d won. I told him I wasn’t going to try and stop him, but if he ran away again he would no longer be in my home. I really never wanted to say that, but I wasn’t going to risk going to jail over a kid who I thought was showing he was unhappy in my home who was also making my family miserable at the time. He didn’t run away again, but told me multiple times he thought about it. Now, I believe his medication was causing it. Since I took him off the absurd amount of medication he was on when he came to me he has had almost no behavioral problems beyond normal kid stuff. For this reason, I have to say if your child is running off see if a medicine they are taking can cause impulsive actions.
Not all cases are like this. Sometimes it is that the child needs or wants to go somewhere and they are trying to tell you. In these cases it’s best to find out where and take them as long as it is safe. If they are trying to go to an estranged family member such as a parent who left, the best way I’ve seen to handle this is to try and take them for a supervised visit if possible. If not possible, you will need to explain why and hope for the best from there. This is something that could happen with a child whether autistic or not.
A child running away can be scary, especially if you don’t know why they are running away. Talking with their therapist can help, but doesn’t always. Making them unable to escape might end in you playing a game that they are winning. Punishment might make them want to run away more. It really is a lose-lose situation at times. The best advice I can give is to not play into their hands and have a good support group. Also think about has anything changed right around the time they started running away. It could also be a change in routine has caused them to feel uncomfortable.
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