The dual nature of energy in the body.
Chronic illness teaches you some interesting things about the human body.
Like the fact that your body can be beyond fatigued, can’t move, utterly spent…and your mind can want to do all the things, right now. Or visa versa, but that’s fairly rare.
You’re torn in those moments…get the rest you so desperately need, or keep going? It is actually really hard to decide unless everything you do is physical, then it is a bit more obvious. I’m more of a mental person, so many of my pursuits are more mental than physical — like writing this article. And there are a lot of days where one of my favorite things (writing) is taken from me by brain fog and mental fatigue.
I drink a lot of coffee just to have some semblance of normalcy. And I rest a lot. And I’m still beyond exhausted.
I have a host of chronic illnesses, from fibromyalgia and CFS to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. It’s rough, but I do try to make it work, some days more successful than others. I’m also a single parent, which makes things even harder than they need to be, though I am blessed that my daughter is now 16 and can more or less take care of herself. It also means that I spend many hours in the car, shuffling her around to various activities and friend’s houses, as she doesn’t have her license yet.
This means I spend a lot of my time in this bizarre dichotomy of fatigue.
Until I’ve exhausted every shred of energy left to me. Then I’m just a lump on my bed. And it doesn’t take a whole lot to get me to that point anymore, not like it used to when I was in my teens and early 20’s. Been dealing with this since I was about 25.
Wish I had answers for those of you who are also going through this strange dichotomy of fatigue, but I don’t. Just use up that energy and rest, rest, rest. Listen to your body and strive for your dreams.
You can, and you will.
Raiscara is a disabled single mom of one darling daughter. She fights the good fight every day, and somehow generally remains positive, despite her many challenges. Her interests are as varied as the stars, and she blogs at https://www.raiscaraavalon.com.
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