Ice, Ice, Baby
By Vani Sriranganayaki
1.
‘You are so lucky to have a husband who helps you with house work. Mine won’t even pick up a handkerchief,’ says Kaveri Aunty, smiling at my husband as he hung up the washing. That is what they all said. That is how they all saw us — him: a devoted husband; me: the lucky wife. No one notices that he was hanging up pants by the tips of their legs. No one even notices that in the 35 odd years of his life, this was clearly the first time he’s had to deal with the laundry; or that this sudden interest in household chores was only brought on as he had nothing else to do. ‘How hard can it be? You do it every day…,’ he had said. I knew it was only temporary, and that it meant extra work for me. But to everyone else, I was ‘so lucky’. Even my mother said the same thing, ‘So what if he doesn’t help out normally? At least he is trying now. Be grateful that he still cares about you!’
Maybe, if he didn’t…
2.
We met in college, but only started dating when we were placed in the same company. We even managed to convince our parents. Inter-caste, so it took some time. But we wore them down and had our own dream wedding. I am an only child, so my parents went all out with it. My wedding, an elaborate three-day affair, was held at the ballroom of a five-star hotel — not your regular kalyana mandapam — with mehendi, sangeet, reception — the works. No cost was spared. Both sets of parents, and even extended family, were all very happy and we were over the moon. We could now be together 24x7!
Maybe, if we weren’t…
3.
I quit my job the week I found out that I was pregnant. When I was younger, I used to scoff at women who did that. ‘What is the point of that hard-earned degree and all that hard work if you are just going to call it quits when you got pregnant?’ My mother worked till the week before I was born and went back to work when I was four months old. I always admired working women. I used to imagine that I would have a successful career. A proper work-life balance — isn’t that the dream? But when the doctor said that given my age I might have a difficult pregnancy, we decided to leave no room for chance. ‘Rest. Your husband will take care of everything. You just focus on delivering the baby safely!’ the doctor had said. And so, my husband did his part, and I did mine; and early one January our daughter came into our lives.
Maybe, if she hadn’t…
4.
Our daughter is a little over a year old now. For the first six months, I had my mother helping me. But then having to visit his in-laws often was a little too much for my husband, so I came back to living with my in-laws. Of course, it is not easy. The lockdown’s been making things harder. We are always worried, on edge, afraid that the baby would cry over something and will catch a cold or worse, the virus. Any time anyone steps out of the house, we are all tied in knots until they return. And then there is the endless task of sanitising everything that touched the air outside! My in-laws are both in their 70s. Their health , a big concern on a regular day, has gone up ten-fold. Some nights I wonder if I should have stayed with my parents who are living alone — at least I would have had help with the baby and I wouldn’t have had to cook and clean all day. But, the elders, they all talked it over. ‘That’s only the way it should be,’ they said.
Maybe, if they hadn’t…
5.
Late last night my mother-in-law found me bent over the kitchen sink washing my eyes out with one hand, an ice cube over my other wrist. She had, of course, heard our shouts and knew that things had escalated quickly. ‘He is just stressed, kanna. Things are so uncertain and scary right now. Try and understand him a little. I’ll speak to him once he calms down. I’ll tell him that he has to be more understanding, to help you more. Don’t worry.’ Even I knew the speech by heart by now. We both knew that she wouldn’t. Come morning, things would be back to normal. And here we were this morning — him: hanging clothes by their tips and Kaveri Aunty: gushing over his chivalry. Maybe this lockdown would change things. Maybe now, we would both change our ways. I knew he was stressed and still argued back. I should have held back, iced my words in the freezer for use later, a congealed lump of comfort. All said and done, he still loves me and I am quite lucky.
Aren’t I?
Vani Sriranganayaki started out studying Architecture and Cultural Studies, but eventually found her calling as a writer. She is now the sub-editor of an art magazine in Chennai.
