Identity & Confidence
“Determining the fine line between what is and what isn’t.”
I think that everyone of us grows up wanting to be like somebody, whether that is a family member, a friend, a coach, a mentor or a role model. They all serve as a part of our community that can help us branch together an idea on how to live when we need guidance. That guidance can then help us grow into the person we would like to become and develop confidence. It’s important to have someone in your life who believes in you and also wants the best for you.
Everyone needs a good role model or someone to look up to in a way that best supports their beliefs in association with identity formation. We all need someone that we can strive to be more like and relate to.
Having support in your pursuit of identity can raise self-esteem, confidence, a stronger conscience and a moral compass, if done correctly. Those who have this kind of reinforcement tend to be more able to communicate and sustain healthier relationships. With a bad role model or bad influence, these traits can sometimes deteriorate or be removed from one’s life, resulting in low self-esteem, arrogance, anxiety, depression, lack of empathy or judgement in one’s actions and how they affect others. This would then result in unhealthy relationships.
Who is your role model? Are they a good influence? Will this lead to healthier choices?
What kind of identity do you want to form in life? What do you value and believe in? What type of person would you like to become?
Are you confident in your abilities as a person? How do you feel about yourself and the choices you make? Do you love yourself or even like who you’ve become recently in life?
It’s better to find out and answer these questions than to feel at a complete loss in life with no direction, no purpose, no growth and no foundation that is required for a sustainable life. You can find the answers.
Let’s start with some strengths. Find out what you are good at and don’t stop doing it. It has to be within reason and something that’s not only viable but also legal. If you plan on doing something so far against the grain, it will degenerate eventually. Whereas if you do something that is permissible, then it will gain longevity without terrorizing your moral compass either.
Second, you’re going to want to determine how you feel about yourself when you engage in certain actions. Every decision has its own consequence that resonates within us and with others on different levels. Do you feel good about what you are doing? Does it create a positive impact? What beliefs do you hold about yourself? Are you challenging negative beliefs realistically? Are you setting healthy boundaries? Are you taking care of yourself? Ask yourself these questions. Everyone has something they can work on and sensitivities to address. It’s all about how you handle them in a mature manner.
Third, take the time to really separate the good from the bad. What is it about yourself that you like? What opinions do you have or thoughts on a particular subject? Are your values and actions aligned with your role model or the type of person you would like to become? There are going to be times in life where you need to take pride in your accomplishments and what you hold close to home. Everyone needs that, so take the time needed to find these answers. Not everyone shares the same perspective or judgement on life and sometimes you’re going to have to find a way to deal with that and stand up for yourself. If you can identify where your thoughts, beliefs and feelings stand, then you can grasp onto a firm identity and have confidence. Assert yourself in your wants, needs and opinions. Stay confident in your ability to make decisions. Remember, growth really happens when you believe in yourself and you’re able to admit when you’re wrong too. It’s okay to make mistakes.
Lastly, once you’ve found a good starting point for what you excel at in life, have developed a base line for introspection, beliefs, boundaries and a role model or people in a healthy support system that can provide guidance and direction, you will be prepared to build and develop a more structured sense of identity and confidence.
After quite some time, you may find yourself setting an example for others too. I believe that we all have a lot more influence on each other than we think.
Role models can be a powerful force for social learning. They can affect the way people view themselves and the world around them, and ultimately affect their decisions about how to conduct their lives. Role models influence the attitudes and behaviors of both children and adults in a variety of ways. The legal scholar Anita L. Allen distinguishes three potential attributes of a role model: “(1) an ethical template for the exercise of adult responsibilities; (2) a symbol of special achievement; and (3) a nurturer providing special educational services”.
(pg. 3 paragraph 6).
So go out there and find out what makes you, you. Maybe it’s time to look within. Maybe you already have something to look forward to because you know that you’re good at it. Whatever that is I hope you find a sense of joy and feel good while you’re doing it and, if not, then find something else. I hope you can find a way even when things get hard. We all deserve to be happy and discover who we are. So keep moving forward.
