Less Lonely with… London Is Lonely
What is London is Lonely?
London is Lonely is an immersive art exhibition composed of photographs and audio stories of loneliness in London. Our aim is to reduce shame and stigma by creating spaces for Londoners to experience real local stories, and, by inviting them to share their own stories and solutions to tackle loneliness and social isolation in their community.
Why did you start the project?
In October 2018, we were given an amazing opportunity to combine our talents — photography and storytelling — to create an exhibition for The Loneliness Lab kickoff event. It had such a powerful effect on visitors that day that we wanted to see what would happen if we took this concept out to the streets and made it more public. Would it be enough to get strangers talking about loneliness? Would it be enough to get strangers opening up about their own experiences? So on a rainy, grey London afternoon, we ventured out to the streets to test the idea.
Loneliness is something both of us have felt at many different points in our lives. It’s a feeling we both instantly recognise but one we know can shut us down and close us off from the world around us. It was moving to learn that day, just how many others resonated with this as well, and how many were willing to open up. From here, London is Lonely was born.
Why is it important that people share their stories about loneliness?
When we share our own stories of loneliness, we’re giving others permission to do the same, and there’s something quite powerful in realising that even in our loneliness, we are not alone. The more openly we talk about these kinds of things — what’s really going on for us — the more we’re able to recognise and reach for help and support. Sometimes just having a conversation is all we really need to feel less lonely.
Why do you think stigma is such an issue when it comes to loneliness?
There seems to be the sense that if you’re feeling lonely, there’s something wrong with you — as if feeling lonely is unnatural, something you’re not supposed to feel. And there’s an unhealthy assumption that to be lonely means you’ve failed somehow. We’ve attached so much of our own self worth with this emotion that when we feel lonely we don’t want to admit it because we’re deeply afraid that others will judge us and we’ll be isolated even more.
The thing is, this stigma is perceived; when it comes to loneliness, there is a lot of self-shaming and self-ridicule, but we’re far less judgemental of others than we are of ourselves (you can read more about the research behind this here). What we don’t realise is that the world is kinder than we think.
Loneliness affects us all, regardless of our age, how many friends we have, or where we come from. It is a very human reaction to a very real feeling of disconnect, whether that’s with others, with ourselves or with the world around us. And the reality is, we all feel lonely sometimes. There should be no shame in that.
What have you learned since you started our project?
Loneliness and social isolation are connected, but they are not mutually exclusive. For some people, loneliness has less to do with how many friends you have, and more to do with how connected you feel with yourself and who you feel you really are on the inside. Part of tackling loneliness, therefore, is about empowering others to be their most authentic selves — whether that’s in our schools, in the workplace, or in our wider communities.
We’re also learning that even though there’s a lot of stigma surrounding loneliness, people want to talk. When you provide a safe space for others, you give them the permission and courage they need to open up. And what’s more, you feel deeply connected when you spend time talking about stuff that really matters.
If you had a magic wand, what one thing would you change about our cities to make them less lonely places?
Irene: I’ll remove people’s shame when talking about their own feelings — a world where people know they won’t be judged for opening up. I believe we can relate to anyone’s feelings if we listen for enough time.
Tessa: Changing just one thing won’t make our cities less lonely for everyone because we all feel lonely in different ways and at different times. However, with this in mind, if I had a magic wand and I could only change one thing, I’d choose to slow our cities down to give everyone more time with themselves, with others and with nature.
