Get Yourself a First class Degree in English for $50
Today, I am putting my degree up for sale.
Twenty years ago, I made my family proud by becoming its first degree holder. And it was not just any degree! It was a first class honours degree in Education with Literature in English , and English Language as my teaching subjects. I had made it. The world was at my feet. We celebrated as much or as little as our lean pockets could allow, and Mum even gave me permission to get someone to “tickle” me( her words).
I duly got a job in a high-caliber school and started serving the nation.
Twenty years in the classroom is not a short time, and burnout has caught up with me. To aggravate an already bad situation, the government enhanced the salaries of Science teachers to four times what Arts teachers are getting. In effect, I am a lowly paid government worker from whom the government expects the same if not more, dedication than someone who earns four times what I do.
The number of students studying Arts subjects at A level has diminished and will soon become a trickle. I don’t blame them. Who wants to study to be a rumour-monger as our president has dubbed us? Moreover, can Shakespeare remove floating islands from Lake Victoria?
I am now a teacher of a useless subject, and it hurts. I went to great lengths to secure this degree, and it is with great sadness that I put it up for sale for a paltry $50.
Why $50? You may ask. Here is why.
I need $50 to pay for an annual Medium subscription to learn how to earn from writing. While this degree makes me authentic, it didn’t equip me with the practical skills to earn from it. I have been teaching students such high-sounding words as oxymoron, calligraphy, onomatopoeia, litotes, haiku, euphemism, and hyperbole... Words that can’t even feed one child.
What this degree has done instead is hold me back from doing the things that move the needle. Things like baking, pruning coffee, winnowing millet, brewing wine, looking after hogs or even roasting plantain and maize by the roadside.
I hope a teacher of Science will buy my degree to improve his delivery of useful content. If you are generous and give me more than $50, I will buy a stove, some charcoal, and a bunch of plantains and launch my food business. If no one is interested in the degree, I will donate it to my mother for her to keep as a reminder of how her money was sunk down a rabbit hole of useless education.
I can’t say it has been a total waste of resources as my interest in reading is what led me to Medium. However, I have to let it go as it will only hold me back by its constant reminder that I am a university graduate. Without its elitist shackles, I will confidently do piecework, laundry work, winnowing work, and all the other chores no degree holder can do without losing face.
I will make and hawk pancakes like any other human. I will brew and sell local wine to car washers and porters without fear of what my alumni will say. I will send my children to affordable public schools where they have the freedom to join me in chipping cassava over the weekend. I will contribute 2k shillings at funerals and offer 100 shillings on Sunday without feeling I am betraying God. I will live a quiet, debt- free meaningful existence because I will have no Joneses to keep up with. When I finally give up this burden of a body, I will be meaningfully moaned by those who knew me, not status seekers.
Kindly buy my degree before I use it to light my charcoal stove.
Are your qualifications holding you back from doing things that add meaning to your life? What mundane things would you do if you weren’t caged by societal expectations?
Let us meet in the comments section. Some claps will also go a long way in pumping me up to tell you how my new, degree- less life will advance.
