Loneliness
It’s Saturday and my turn to write. Yet I’m having a really hard time coming up with anything. At least anything related to our last couple of posts.
But ok, so, I’ve been thinking about loneliness lately. Well not only lately to be honest. Always. Or at least as long as I can remember. What it does to people, what role it’s played in my life.
If I could choose one problem to solve in the world I’d probably choose loneliness. Eradicating hunger and war would of course be nice as well, but I’m going for loneliness. There is something so fundamental about loneliness.
I’m rather outgoing as a person. And confident as well. And I’m lucky to have several very good, close friends, and even more good friends who I care a great deal about. I don’t think I’m the first image that comes to mind when you think about loneliness. Yet, for very long periods of my life I’ve felt extremely lonely, and it is something that has always been hard to admit. Still is. Like there is something ugly about being lonely.
Loneliness comes in many shapes and forms and is not the same as being alone. I’ve always had a lot of people around me, but felt lonely despite that. There have been times when I’ve been out at a club with friends and left without saying a word to anyone because I was convinced they wouldn’t notice that I’m not there anyway. Or when I’ve thought about moving back to Sweden without telling anyone, because who would even notice?
Why is this? What causes this feeling of alienation? Of course I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all answer to this, but I do think there are some trends in today’s society that play a role.
Number one for me is how we value each other. Often it feels you are only your achievements, you get valued by what you can do. It is not completely wrong, we can create a lot of value through our work, but the value we create is not the same as our value as a person. Or at least shouldn’t be.
Number two is how we are connected to such a huge number of people nowadays. Some of them are your friends, but not all of them. I’ve often encountered the situation of being on Facebook and looking at my friend list of 2000+ friends without knowing who I can ask to go out for a drink with me.
The combination of these two has left at least me a bit lost at times. But I’m figuring it out. I think the experience of loneliness is something most of us encounter at one point or another. What worries me is what happens to those who encounter it day after day without finding a way out of it? What happens to your sense of self worth when nobody responds to your pain? Or even worse, sees your pain and just turns away?
We need connection to function as human beings. All of us. If we don’t get it in a good place, we’ll take it in a bad place.
I think this is at the root of many of the problems we see in the world. And for me it has been one of the main reasons why I’ve worked so much with building communities. You don’t need to be best friends with everyone, but at least acknowledge and accept the existence of those around you. Make sure they know someone sees them.
It’s Saturday, and as most Saturdays when I’m not travelling, I’m home alone. But something has changed, because it doesn’t make me feel as lonely anymore.
