How One Conversation Made Me Realize How Fortunate I Am
Sometimes an honest heart to heart makes you yearn for what could have been a lot lesser.
I was with a friend recently. A little laughter and a lot of whiskey later, she went into that zone we often find ourselves in, the what if place.
After just staring blankly into the distance for what felt like eternity (It was actually probably just 5 minutes), she stares at me, red in the eyes and says,
I quote,” Adnan, do you ever think what your life would have been like if say you had decided to go to B-School then with your friends and taken up that job everyone is so eager to get their hands on and settled down?”
A question to ponder over I guess, with our fast-paced lifestyle, I had never given it much thought, at that point I realized how I had just kept drifting without as much thinking about anything.
I gave it some thought, and then I responded,” You mean the life where you go through 2 years of school and then get a job, get married, have kids and spend your life in the care of a loving family, doing things together etc.?”
After it registered with her what I had asked, she goes,” yeah, that one.”
I think I wouldn’t have been able to answer it faster even if I was sober…I instantly said,” Nah, nah, that life it isn’t for me, at least not yet”.
“But it seems to be a good life and one that most people including our parents have done well living.”
“I agree, but it isn’t the only good life. I consider myself fortunate man; I don’t think I would change even one thing about the life I have had so far.”
“Are you fortunate though?
“You live alone for the most part, you share memes all the time and sit and laugh at stupid things, and you play video games. You are 37 and you have a neon sign in your room that says MAN-CAVE and another one that says Happily Unmarried, you aren’t in a relationship, and you refuse to commit to someone if they want to be in one…. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN!”
At this point she got animated to a point where she actually got angry…it was funny because the tone of voice saw this gradual increase where she was recounting everything that she thought was wrong with me and was getting angrier as the list went on.
After waiting for her to calm down a bit, I thought it would be a good idea to respond.
“For me being fortunate is a very individual concept. I consider myself fortunate because I recognized soon enough the cards I was dealt, and I was able to play my hand accordingly.”
“GO ON, EXPLAIN!”
“You see I probably would have gone to that B-School, had my family business not gone down the drain and if my family would have still been able to afford it.”
“Instead, I found myself with an opportunity to start young and learn as I go along.”
“Because I started making money early, I recognized my strengths earlier, I was able to start a company of my own earlier, and it got so good, that conformity as a concept kept moving further and further away.”
“I realized early on the freedom I had to choose and live outside the general framework that is accepted by society where we come from.”
“My life was an open canvas, and I was free to paint it as I wished, and I consider myself fortunate because of those experiences.”
“Everyone goes through rough times in their lives, I did too. I did some very stupid things, that possibly cost me everything I had, but even that was something that 99.99% people including you might never experience. And those are things that have shaped me into what I am today.”
“Everything you see is a reflection of that, All the stuff you mentioned earlier gives me an intrinsic feeling of joy, right from the MAN CAVE sign to having a cold beer at the end of the day to being able to laugh at stupid things without worrying about what others will think.”
“That for me is not being immature, but a more evolved version of maturity. What you think is immaturity is something that you have been conditioned to believe because it is a generally accepted thing by everyone else.”
“Same goes with relationships or marriage, with the experiences I have had in the past, I have lost faith in the idea and just surrendered to the fact that when it is right, I will know.”
“I only ask myself 3 questions and if the answer to those is yes, then I don’t find the need to change just to get someone else's fucking approval.”
“Am I able to provide for what my family needs? Yes, and touchwood we live well.”
“Am I a good person? Who takes care of himself and the others around him? Yes, I work out regularly and I absolutely love my family and friends. I take shit that affects them way too seriously (Have been manipulated because of that too, but that is a different story)”
“Am I the most authentic version of myself? When I look in the mirror, I need to be convinced I have been genuine and my most authentic self. The thought of altering who I am just so that I fit into someone else’s idea of what a good man is makes me cringe.”
“If I am able to answer these 3 questions to myself each morning, then I don’t find a need to change. “
“In fact, I have found most of the sarcasm and snide remarks I have ever faced have come from people who didn't have the balls to do what they want and live every day wondering What If.”
“The reason all that you see around you right now is irritating you is because you know I am right, and I won’t change.”
At this point she yelled!“ YOU KNOW NOTHING!! ”and for some reason only God knows, I tried to break the ice by saying, "Jon Snow” which irritated her even more.
Luckily, she saw the humor in it and started laughing, I'm guessing the weed did the trick.
Jokes aside though, the reason I remember this conversation so well is because it really helped put things into perspective for me and also because it happened just last Saturday.
You might think I am delusional, or you might disagree, but that is where perception is also a very individual concept.
For me it is you do you and I’ll do me. There is no in-between, I do not impose anything on anyone all I ask is it not be imposed on me.
Of course, this is not to say never to anything, and that is what life is really, you ride the wave according to how it behaves.
But, one thing is certain, whatever I will be doing, I will always consider myself fortunate even then :)
Hope you enjoyed reading.
