Gender Bent: Men Don’t Cry
Boys are taught from a young age that crying is not a manly activity, and men don’t do too much public crying in today’s society. But the modern rule that masculinity is the opposite of weepiness erased centuries of male emotion, starting with the heroes of ancient literature and the Bible.
Odysseus often wept from grief at missing his homeland and family, and it sounds like he was an ugly crier:
For the ancient Greeks, crying over friends killed in battle or about pangs of homesickness was perfectly acceptable for even the most heroic warriors. Men cried all over the Bible as well, and crying was seen as a crucial spiritual and emotional part of life for men and women.
For centuries following, men ranging from medieval knights to Japanese samurais often cried in public and in more private moments recorded in literature. In 1628, one historian even recorded that several ministers in British parliament had to sit down because they were crying so hard about the possibility of Parliament being dissolved by the king. In the 1800’s, men were often diagnosed with homesickness, which was at that time considered a serious medical condition. Crying was considered a common and even admirable sign of a noble love for a man’s home, mother, and family.
But in the 20th century, the rules changed, and society started telling men to toughen up and leave the crying to women. That’s why today, you’re less likely to see a man crying in movies, television, and even in your own everyday life.
Studies have shown that until puberty, girls and boys cry exactly the same amount. Afterwards, men are conditioned to remain stoic whenever possible. In hard times, instead of expressing emotions like sadness and vulnerability, men are encouraged to show anger and toughness. There are certain occasions when it is socially acceptable for men to cry, like when athletes show emotion after victories or defeats, or when a loved one passes away. Outside of these limited circumstances, however, crying is generally seen as an activity for men to avoid in public.
But recently, some male public figures have been using their wide reach to show that emotions are a healthy part of being human. Ben Higgins (the Bachelor himself) has cried about LOVE during this season . And on a much more serious note, President Obama has shed tears during press conferences about gun violence. Still, whenever a man in public life publicly displays emotions other than anger and stereotypical male strength, the story makes headlines. What if we all listened to the wise lessons from Inside Out, and acknowledged that sadness is an emotion felt by all humans, and not a cause for breaking news?
To learn more about gender norms, go to genderbent.lookdifferent.org
