Lent 2020

The beginning

It’s now or never. I’ve committed to a successful fast this year, the “Jesus fast” as I’ve dubbed it. I have found no success in overcoming my addition to SUGAR in the last decade. Addition is a serious thing and anyone who has tried at any length to overcome their addiction can understand how truely difficult it is — there is that voice inside who encourages just 1-more time, or 1-more day.. and then we can start anew, afresh.

But the truth of the matter is- that day just never comes.

This year for Lent, after three unsuccessful attempts in this year alone — I’m determined to kick SUGAR once and for all. I’ve done a lot, and I mean A LOT of research over the past year on what it really means to live a natural holistic lifestyle and what I can do to sustain our planet. I have a very specific plan for how to continue over the next 90-days from there it’s an unfolding development but for now — Praise God, I’m prepared to see this through.

Day 2 —

I feel the urge to eat or get a coffee, it’s that time of the day where maybe if I wasn’t working I would lay down to take a nap. The herbal tea I had earlier didn’t quite the crave of my behavioral need to ‘get my fix’.

Sugar — it’s what I do. I read so many stories of people and their experiences during a water fast and here I am in the same conundrum; ruling over my mind.

I’m not hungry — I don’t want to eat, I haven’t experienced any hunger pangs, I don’t feel like I’m missing out, even with sitting across from my husband as he ate Chick-fil-A last evening, there was nothing in me that wanted to eat. But today… I’ve sat at my PC all day dead-locked into the abyss of excel formulas and Intranet mayhem. I recognize I visit this feeling at least 2x per week, grab some nuts or M&Ms or make-shift mocha (hot coco + coffee).

I refuse to give in. I’m doing it this time, I’m going to make this goal and I’m going to be in such a better place for it. I’m in control of my mind — not the other way around.

Day 3 —

There I go again wanting to eat when stressed, honestly I have got to find a new behavior to do when I’m feeling stressed that isn’t running to grab some nuts or M&Ms, hunkered down I drowned myself in work until the “fleeting” feeling disappeared and I had something else to think about.

Our office is pretty warm today — no windows and the door that leads to the receptionist area which gets rowdy and loud especially during lunch delivery — speaking of food, I almost lost is last night making dinner for my family. It was the most amazing smelling food, I cranked up some worship music and continued without too much effort. I did give myself a little electrolyte “treat” last night by dipping my finger into the bag of salt — yum; and that gave me just what I needed to clean up the kitchen.

Three days of water only and my urine is still pretty yellow, should I be concerned? Am I not getting enough water? I vow to drink 100-oz before the end of my shift in 4 hours… While I know the office is pretty warm, I’m surprisingly really hot today, I feel flushed in my whole body — though my skin isn’t discolored. In my Google search to I came across this quote and also asked myself the same thing:

Indeed, the night before I wondered to myself, “Do I actually need to brush and floss?”