6 Things I Wish I Knew Before Moving In With My Boyfriend
This week marks three years since Chris and I bought a flat together. I call it our ‘flat-iversary’. Every year we celebrate this momentous milestone by eating takeaway pizza on the floor and drinking a bottle of prosecco.
Moving in with Chris was the first time I had ever lived with a boyfriend. Whilst it has no doubt been the most exciting move of my life, looking back I wouldn’t say I was totally prepared.
Our 3-year ‘flat-iversary’ seemed like a good time to reflect on some of the things I wish I knew this time three years ago.
- Meet in the middle
Overnight, everything becomes shared. Your bed, your mortgage, even your knives and forks. Admittedly there are some advantages. Notably the fact that shared items can be purchased on the joint account, which in my eyes means 50% off.
But together, you need to find new tastes and routines that work for both of you. Make sure you know each other’s deal breakers and be prepared to compromise on the rest.
My deal breakers include: a cleaner, mood lighting and co-ordinated scatter cushions.
Chris’ deal breakers include: BT Sport, no rom coms and at least one shelf in the bathroom.
2. It’s ok to want a break
Living with a partner is wonderful, but it’s normal to need a bit of ‘you time’. And it doesn’t mean you’re losing your spark. Allow each other the time and space to do things on your own. And don’t be offended when you’re not invited to the boys night out.
3. Done is better than perfect
We all have our own ways of doing things. Be it how to cook the perfect spag bol or how to make the bed.
When I moved in with Chris I found myself joining in with other women and complaining about how my boyfriend never helps around the house. However, it wasn’t that he couldn’t be bothered to make the dinner or didn’t care about making the bed. Nor did he refuse to clean the bathroom or complain about doing the laundry, I simply wasn’t letting him. I was too used to doing things my way that I didn’t give up any control.
However, if you want to stop complaining about how you do everything, I urge you to remember that ‘done is better than perfect’.
4. Life is not a rom-com
It doesn’t take long to realise that living with your partner is no rom-com. You never saw Cameron Diaz and Jude Law talking about whose turn it was to go to Lidl. Or Kate Hudson asking Matthew McConaughey if he had any whites to wash. But these conversations don’t mean the romance has gone from your relationship. It’s just real life. Take comfort in the fact that you’re lucky to share your life with someone else — even if it means washing their pants.
5. Make time for each other
It’s important to make time for each other in between the Lidl shops and the white washes. Just because you now see your partner every day, it shouldn’t mean you don’t make time for date nights. You might wake up and go to sleep next to one another every night, but life gets in the way and before you know it it’s Sunday morning and you’ve yet to spend any proper time together.
6. Drop the act
Unless of course, there’s a global pandemic and you’re forced to spend every living moment together.
When Chris and I started dating I put on my best cool girl impression. I ordered pints, didn’t complain about his Sainsbury’s own ketchup and ignored that the bed sheets got washed every other month. I like to think I dropped the act before the time we decided to buy a flat together. But even so, be prepared for your partner to discover the real you. It’s no use trying to pretend you’re tidy, a good cook or into football when you’re living under the same roof. The truth is going to come out eventually…
Originally published at lookingbothways.co.uk on February 7, 2021.
