Language vs. Grammar, or Why You’ll Never Fit In
The easiest way to spot a non-native speaker of English is how they use articles (the, a, an, some, etc). Our grammatical rules surrounding them are extremely complicated and often do not make sense.
Is the noun plural? Is it countable? Does it start with a vowel? Does it start with a vowel, but with a consonant sound? Why do some countries get an article, but others don’t?
In my job, I work with many non-native writers. I need them to understand these unwritten and complex grammar rules because if a line of copy goes out that misuses an article, or if the support team consistently breaks a conversation rule, our image as a company suffers. People see us as cheap, unserious, and unsophisticated.
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I was recently listening to a podcast where the rapper Propaganda talked about his experiences trying to enter into the Christian music scene. He had grown up as a Christian all his life, but on the streets of Los Angeles, which is a far cry from the Bible Belt that dominates that Christian industry. He soon found that he wasn’t always understood correctly and that there were a ton of unwritten rules that he had to navigate.
The host said, “It’s like you could speak the language, but didn’t know the grammar.”
Let that sink in. You know the language, you can communicate, but you don’t know the rules surrounding the ‘proper’ usage. There’s the ability to communicate in a language, and then there’s the secret knowledge that’s built up around it to show who is in and who is out.
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English grammar is funny. There isn’t a central body that determines what is correct and incorrect. Many of the rules that we have are just the accepted usage that has developed over time.
But English grammar isn’t a full democracy. Certain spellings and constructions were frozen by those who were in power. And the poor and marginalized don’t usually have the time to learn all the rules. So, in addition to standardizing language patterns, grammar became a way that you could tell who was ‘educated’ and ‘uneducated’. It became both a subject to study and a means to judge if someone belonged.
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Think about the other social applications of this. Here’s a woman entering the business and political world dominated by men. She might speak the language of profitability, policy, and leadership, but does she know all the grammatical rules of influence, innuendo, quid pro quo, and many others? Can she apply them differently in meetings, board rooms, golf courses, airplanes, hotel rooms, steak houses, and more?
What happens when a person of color moves into an all-white suburban neighborhood? They may speak the language of having enough money, but do they know the grammar of landscaping, how many guests you can invite to your home, parking, trading food, and waving hello to strangers?
What happens when a startup in Asia tries to sell their software to the US? They can hire people who know English and understand the industry to create their marketing, but do they know the grammar of how to come across in an email and how to use humor? Does their chat support misuse capitalization or overuse emoji?
All of these are signals that the people in power will use to judge whether or not the other belongs or not. Whether they are welcome or not. Whether they can be trusted or not.
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One of the hard parts of grammar is that you can’t teach it all. No matter how many English grammar courses you sit through, you will still make mistakes; there will always be exceptions. The exceptions follow no logic and you cannot figure them out on your own. Worst of all, you may not ever know when you are making a mistake. Most people will just pick up on the cue that you “aren’t from around here” and quietly judge you.
You can only learn the grammar rules by breaking them and then realizing when someone lovingly or unlovingly points them out to you. No matter how willing you are to learn, you will continuously make mistakes and learn from them.
Rules change even for those on the inside, and people who are part of a community for a long time can be caught off guard when they don’t consistently keep up with the grammar rules.
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In most cases, the people learning the language have to suffer through the embarrassment of making grammatical mistakes until they finally can prove that they belong.
However, there are examples of the minority culture making a stand against adhering to the majority grammar. Most interesting, I think is black vernacular (sometimes called ebonics). It is a distinct form of English, not just a dialect that has crept up. In some ways it is a defiance–a way to say, “I’m going to speak your language, but use my own grammar.”
LeRon Barton talks about the need that black people have to code switch, or use a set of grammar around one group of people (say, the white police), and another set of grammar around friends.
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If you are in the majority culture that holds the rules, the first step is to admit that your grammar rules are not God-ordained. Realize that they are subjective, hard to learn, and if someone breaks them, it isn’t a sign of their intelligence, capability, or a moral deficiency.
When I lived in Tamil Nadu, I found it very difficult to find a native Tamil speaker who could teach others how to speak. Most of them said, “Tamil is very easy to learn.” Yet, most Indians I know from outside Tamil Nadu talk about how hard it is. When you are on the inside, it looks easy and seems like people should get it. But you have to recognize the complexity of your language and grammar rules first before you can welcome others in and judge them by those standards.
Be a friend to those learning, and give some loving insight to those who unknowingly break the rules, either grammatically or culturally.
Learning a new language should open up possibilities and the ability to communicate and exist in new cultures. Unfortunately, grammar rules shut people down and keep the walls up high.
