Your Fixed Mental Age
My wife was with my mother visiting the 4-H county fair in my hometown. There was a sign in front of one of the major animal exhibits that said “4-Hers Only”. My mother, who has not been in 4-H since she was 18 years old, confidently walked past the gate, much to the shock and amazement of both my wife and sister.
It’s not because my mother was feeling defiant or entitled to a closer look at the livestock.
It’s because deep down she believes she is still 12 years old.
When my daughter asks my mother to tell a story, it’s always from when she was a young girl–something she did with her sisters. She still looks at my uncles as toddlers or young boys who need care.
I’m throwing around this theory that most of us get frozen at a particular mental age. The example of my mother (who is a fantastic and very mature adult), is just the first one that got me started.
I told my theory to my wife, who is simultaneously fixed at 18 and 35. She often uses the phrase, “I was really good at that in high school,” which sparks the idea that she will always be at the cusp of anything she wanted–fearless, with the entire world open to her. She’s also been recognized as being “very mature for her age” and has been a consistent and trusted voice, even for people who are older than her. Even in her 20s, she naturally leaned towards those in their mid 30s. She is at her best as the mother of 8–16 year olds–kids who still need a lot of physical affection, but who also need a bit of snark and self-awareness to get going and see the realities of this world.
My father has been about 85 for the last 25 years at least. He is incurably nostalgic, reflecting on the good old days, and just kind of waiting around to die. That said, when he was coming out of anesthesia after a knee surgery, he went straight to being 17, playing basketball with his neighborhood friends.
My wife’s parents are probably 25 and 23, just starting off a brand new life, limitless energy, the best intentions, room to make mistakes, and excited about what might happen next.
I am 43–finally beyond the age when I need to impress anyone. I’ve reached the age where I can thumb my nose at the powers that be, knowing well enough that the worst they can do isn’t that bad. I’m old enough to have seen things and be confident in the general way the world works. Yet, young enough to give something one last great push and bring something into being that wasn’t there.
Your mental age is the filter through which you see all of your life, and your ongoing surroundings.
What age do you see yourself as?
