Existential Crisis

Early mornings alone, observing thoughts

Photo by Lute on Unsplash

Raindrops hitting asphalt
I welcome the calm external
Hoping it’s contagious

My insides stir as I sip
Writing down thoughts
4:30 am turns to 6

The blocks live deep
Below my radar
I keep searching

Questioning the Ted Talks
I’m doing the work
But I only see patterns

I stare at my puffy eyes and
Tell myself I’m beautiful
Strong, brave, open

I laugh at the last one
I’m sure my boyfriend would too
My dog looks concerned

“Who are you talking to?”
He questions with his eyes
Myself, God, anything that listens…

I hope I’m closer than I was
Last year, the year before
Only my opinion matters

It’s hard to accept and
Freeing at the same time