The Heart’s Dis-Ease

Thoughts during a yoga class

I twist my body in different shapes
Mimicking the teacher, yet
Making it my own
Bending till I break

I feel tightness spike through my groin
In all the places I hold You
In all the places I’m still letting you
Hold me back

A sweet voice whispers,
“Let go, Victoria. Why can’t you let go?”
I feel wetness move along my eyelashes
Dropping down my cheek
I decide to let myself be seen

Another question resurfaces as I release
Pushing my forehead closer to
Meet my feet
“When are you going to love me back?”
My body wonders, sadly.

My poor legs, hips, arms
The bodies I’ve made them love that
Could never return the favor
Now, I carry more weight than ever
Burdens glued to each thigh

I will try to love myself as I am
I will let go of the person I use to be
Knowing even then, she wasn't good enough
Knowing external shedding, gaining
Won’t heal the heart’s dis-ease