A King

(23/46)

(Aragorn and Theoden ride away from Helm’s Deep with their companions)

THEODEN
After the war, we fled from the Hornburg

ARAGORN
A-After the war we fled from the Hornburg

THEODEN
We gathered all our buddies who all won this war

ARAGORN
We gathered us all, who knows what’s in store

THOEDEN
Even if we clashed somewhat from the very first scenes
Arathorn’s son Aragorn began to climb
How to account, this guy’s a fighting machine?

THEODEN
Maaaaan, this guy is a King

SOLDIERS
A king!

ARAGORN
Theoden of Rohan, I’m curious, bear with me
Is everyone aware of all of this history
We’re back to cursed Mordor, fire what a creepy nation:

ARAGORN
Long, very long ago
Sauron’s fixation-

SOLDIERS
A king!

ARAGORN
-intended to prove while his shadow army sprouts
With persistence council-ed

THEODEN
Can we cancel?
Aragorn, calm down
Our great audience has grown bored. Heir of Isildur
That’s all you had to say!

ARAGORN
Okay!
But the One Ring-

THEODEN
Why do you assume you’re most important in the room?
Why do you assume you’re most important in the room?
Why do you assume you’re most important in the room?
Two hobbits trek on toward Mount Doom

SOLDIERS
Awww

THEODEN
Why do you ride like you’re running out of time?
Strider and fight like you’re running out of time
You’ve given your heart to an elf who will not die
Keep on fighting. In the meantime

SOLDIERS
Why do you ride like you’re running out of time?
You’ve given your heart to an elf who will not die
A king!

ARAGORN
Desolation’s such a large threat that all plots are getting out of order
And now we need to streamline this before Mordor?
This fellowship’s had leadership and they’re now equipped and
It’s that stewardship off in Gondor
Seems to be have a grip on me

SOLDIERS
Steward’s aren’t kings!

ARAGORN
I’ve ranged all these lands, I mostly memorized it
I’ve tracked pathways, hunted man and I’ve protected it
Now despite Isildur’s hypocrisy
I’ll take on autocracy
I hope to take on
With little animosity

SOLDIERS
Awww!

THEODEN
Aragorn, at the white tower of Ecthelion

ARAGORN
Long ago I’ve seen the white tower of Echelon

THEODEN
There a new Gondor king, how elegant!

ARAGORN
Now what we gotta do before we storm the Black Gate?

THEODEN
We bombard Isengard and see its current state
We could find ol’ Wormtongue and set the record straight

ENSEMBLE
Awww!
What?
What?

THEODEN
In the book it happens later, but I don’t want to miss it

GANDALF
Follow the movie then

EOMER
Yo, who the f gives a shit?

THEODEN
Why don’t you and I split a great speech?
Why don’t you and I split a great speech?
I’ll take Pelennor; and how ‘bout you take Mordor? I’ll sadly very likely not reach

THEODEN AND RIDERS
Why do fight like you think you won’t survive?
Why do fight like you think you won’t survive?

SOLDIERS
Aragorn and Theoden will split the best of every speech
Think you won’t survive, hey!
Think you won’t survive, hey!

THEODEN AND RIDERS
Every day you ride like you
Think you won’t survive
Do what you do

THEODEN
Lord Aragorn?

ARAGORN
Barad-dûr, sir?

THEODEN
It’s the middle of the play

ARAGORN
Then Gondor, sure!

THEODEN
Is this a regal matter?

ARAGORN
Yes and it’s my damn destiny

THEODEN
What do you need?

ARAGORN
Theo, you’re a better ruler than me

THEODEN
Okay

ARAGORN
I know I haven’t led much, I’m a ranger
You’re a noble for sure. You’re distinct, stopped invasions
I’m kind and heed a bit that’s intense. We make solutions

THEODEN
I get it, kind of?

ARAGORN
I’ll have to go call some ghosts, there’s convolution
We’ll end up getting many more executions

THEODEN
Ghosts?

ARAGORN
Hear me out

THEODEN
No way-

ARAGORN
An army of undead who ominously broke oaths
Now they dwell, unable to leave their mountain

THEODEN
No one will believe it

ARAGORN
I disagree

THEODEN
When people see you bail?

ARAGORN
Theo, we really need them

THEODEN
This exposition’s a mess

ARAGORN
The ghosts’ll swear vengeance

THEODEN
We need rules in this universe!

ARAGORN
There’s spiders and Ents
We have to get a head start somewhere

THEODEN
No. No way!

ARAGORN
I’m not making a mistake

THEODEN
Good night

ARAGORN
Hey!
What are you we fighting for?
What is this crawl for?

THEODEN
What?

ARAGORN
We won the last war
What was it all for?
Do you have your own contribution?

THEODEN
Of course!

ARAGORN
Then say, friend, it

THEODEN
That haunted mountain has welcomed no horse

ARAGORN
Theo, we’re buddies and we fought and we killed
For the motions, conflagration, we’ve had thrills
For once in your life let someone else rebuild
Ghosts want a chance for the prophecy to fulfill

THEODEN
I don’t think this plan
Is of your best

SOLDIERS
Slay for it, slay for it, slay-

THEODEN
I’ll stay here and ride
With all Rohan’s
People

SOLDIERS
With all Rohan’s
People

THEODEN
We’ll be taking our time
Marching to
Our rebirth of a nation
When we thought it had fallen so

SOLDIERS
We’ll be taking our time
Marching to
Our rebirth of a nation
When we thought it had fallen so

SAM
I am climbing up to Ungol. I’m accompanied by someone
Who has his ways
We have found that stealthy Gollum who will sneak
How glum he in all his ways
He is not a lot of fun, but there’s no one who
Can crack Emyn Muil’s rocky maze
But Mr. Frodo!

FRODO
Samwise Gamgee!

GOLLUM
We’ll get precious yet

SAM
Look at where we are
Look at where we started
The fact that we’re alive is a miracle
Just stay alive, that would be enough
And if your Sam could ease this burden you’ve bestowed
If I could help you share the load
Would that be enough?

GALADRIEL
Aragorn marches on with Theo, Leg, Gim, Gan & Eomer to take on Saruman at Isengard, defending the new order of Rohan, following the victory at the Hornburg. The plan was to meet with them, talk Wormtongue down maybe, manageable for these Rohan men. In the end, they arrived to find the place totally flooded, in the span of a few minutes. Treebeard helped break the dams. The other Ents crushed the Uruks. All this…thanks to MERRY AND PIPPIN!

THEODEN AND SOLDIERS
How did they flood like they’re
Running out of time?

ENTS
Running out of time
Running out of time!

THEODEN
Isengard was smite
It’s now running out of time

GANDALF
Saruman can’t fight
He’s really
Losing all his prime
He’s really
A useless wizard kind
Orthanc’s
Covered all in grime

ENTS
Losing all his prime
A useless wizard kind!
Awww!

FULL COMPANY (EXCEPT ARAGON)
We must gather and fight like tomorrow won’t arrive
We do what it takes, for we need to survive
We must treasure here every second we’re alive
Every second we’re alive, every second we’re alive

ARAGORN
Everyone’s asking me to lead
I’m doing the best I can
To get the support that I need
At least we’ve stopped the white hand band

GOLLUM
Precious here to take!

SAM
I know it’s a lot to bear

GOLLUM
Precious here to take!

SAM
Don’t trust his kind, schemes unfurled, you know

GOLLUM
Yes, we do wants it, we wants the Precious, we hates the hobbits

SAM
Precious?

GOLLUM
Uh-oh

SAM
Mr. Frodo?

FRODO
We have to follow him

SAM
Mr. Frodo!

GOLLUM
Look around, look around we wish it just to get a fish
Preciouss…

SAM
He is asking me to believe

FRODO
Samwise the Brave, when things get tough

EOWYN
He will never be gratified
He will never be gratified
Gratified
Gratified

ARAGORN
What would be enough?
To fight
The great eye
The great eye
The great eye
Look around
Look around!
I can’t give you what you want

GANDALF
Shadowfax rides like…
Wizards seem so wise to you

ARAGORN
I am not throwing away my sword
I am not throwing away my sword

GANDALF
Shadowfax rides like…
Wizards seem so wise to you

GOLLUM
Just we waits!

THEODEN
Why do you assume you’re most important in the room?
Why do you assume you’re most important in the room?

FELLOWSHIP
Smeagol, no it’s Gollum YES!
Gollum yes, just we waits!

GANDALF
Wizards seem so wise to you
Wizards seem so wise to you
Wizards seem so wise to you

THEODEN
Two hobbits trek on toward Mount Doom
Why do you ride like you’re running out of time?
Strider and fight like you’re running out of time
You’ve given your heart to an elf who will not die
Keep on fighting. In the meantime
Shadowfax rides like…
Wizards seem so wise to you!

LEGOLAS & GIMLI
A king!
A king!
A king!
Wizards seem so wise to you!

ARAGORN
I am
Aragorn, Isildur’s heir
I am not throwing away my sword!