Grey Havens Away

(26/46)

Posted by: lordofthehamilton on 11 May 2016

(RIVENDELL: Elrond meets with Arwen)

ARWEN
Elvish elvish elvish
Elf Elvish elvish elf

Yes! Elvish elvish elvish
Elf Elvish elvish elf

Elvish elf
Elvish elf

ELROND
Elvish elvish elvish
Elf Elvish elvish elf

Elvish elvish elvish
Elf Elvish elvish elf

Elvish elf
Elvish elf

ARWEN AND ELROND
High speech high speech high speech high speech high

ARWEN
My dearest, lord Aragorn
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Creeps out my pretty face when I never age
I trust you’ll understand my sacrifice to
My lovely Evenstar. Agony’s about me having to last all days
They think me a princess, but an edition that’s not jolly 
I’m a sitting elf, I wait here on a shelf, how passive, lame
Aragorn is fighting, Elrond’s a badass
Galadriel is on this, narration and insane

ELROND & GALADRIEL
Then you should go, Grey Havens away
You can go on to live the Grey Havens way
You have endless life
Everything will be much better
You stay here, Aragorn will decay

ELROND
Go to Grey

ARWEN
I won’t sail away

ELROND
It’s an endless sunrise what an upper
Those havens aren’t real grey

ARWEN
It doesn’t seem all that worth it, Havens sound lame

ELROND
Daughter Arwen

ARWEN
Betray, betray

ELROND
Your kind is dying these days
A new age is on its way
There’s lots battling today
Figwit, take her away

(Figwit, an aid of Elrond, approaches)

FIGWIT
Arwen, Arwen, look — 
My name is Figwit
I have great honor
People know me from Flight
Of the Conchords
And I didn’t have a name
Listed on slate
It’s just an Internet jape

ARWEN
Fuck this

ELROND
He’ll be your friend
Take you far away from Rivendell

ARWEN
Uh-uh

ELROND
You won’t be alone, soon you’ll see Galadriel

ARWEN
No way!

FIGWIT
You’ll sail around a super quaint river bank
Elvish elvish don’t really stank!

ARWEN
Not a good rhyme!!

ELROND:
Go to Grey

ARWEN:
Hey, this song’s redundant in a way

ELROND:
Run away with elves for, well forever
It’s not too late

ARWEN:
Father, there’s so much here to hate

ELROND:
We can all sail to endless summer
Grey Havens fo sho…

ARWEN:
Um, no

ELROND:
It’s elves’ story arc

ARWEN:
But no means no

ELROND:
And then I can go when this age gets dark…

ARWEN:
I will try to run away

GALADRIEL:
My dearest Elrond’s daughter
You must move on to sail away
Sit down with him don’t compromise
Don’t stop though you disagree
I’m the fav’rite elven mystic
You’re Steve Tyler’s family tree
I summon up a montage of plotlines’ summary

You were better I perceived from you several songs ago
I noticed the drama in the middle of that chase
It had real meaning. You did help end this
Frodo did still resume his walking days
One stroke and he’s insured by Morgul blades

Instead

GALADRIEL AND ARAGORN
My dearest Evenstar

ARWEN
It might not be the clearest, it’s also my necklace

GALADRIEL
Anyway, all this is to say
I’ll sail also don’t worry
Me and you father, no hesitation
We’ll be Haven-bound, a family
If you make your way to Grey Hayve
I know you’re very sad-eyed
I know your scenes aren’t important
But I’m crossing Middle-earth and I just can’t wait

ELDROND AND GALADRIEL
It’s better to go, Grey Havens away
We’ll all go on to live the Grey Havens way

ELROND
Awen daughter, come see the light. Aragorn’s dying some day. Aragorn!

GALADRIEL
Elrond…

ARWEN
God, elves are real dicks

GALANDRIEL
Yeah, gotta hand it

ELROND
Sigh

ARWEN
Eowyn stole my place

ELROND
Arwen daughter, take this up, J Tolkien spends the story with men mostly

GALADRIEL
Arwen, I won’t make this up, J Tolkien doesn’t write you in the book closely

ARWEN
…you remind me? Bemoans

GALADRIEL
I’m afraid it’s a dated book I groan

ARWEN
Maybe they’ll fix that in Game of Thrones!

ELROND
Is that on HBO?

ARWEN
I’m on The Leftovers!

ELROND AND ARWEN
Let’s take a break

GALADRIEL
You know we haven’t checked what’s behind the camera

ELROND AND ARWEN
Is there any real kind of glamor?
This might get hate

GALADRIEL
I’ll lose my shit if I don’t get to see what’s behind the camera

ELROND AND ARWEN
We can break the fourth wall even farther

ELROND
This might lame I know

ARWEN
I know I’ll miss this place

ELROND
It’s getting dark

ARWEN
What’s that got to do with this here place?

ELROND
Magic hour, yo

ARWEN
Ugh, you’re right
We’ll take a break —

ELROND
We’ll take a break and back away

ARWEN
See if there’s any kind of glamor
This might get hate

ELROND
This might get hate
But what can I say?

ARWEN
We can break the fourth wall even further
Just for one more time
We will try this once

ELROND
Oh come around, come around —

ARWEN
Hang with Pete Jackson

ELROND
— at how likely we are to get meta again

ARWEN
When the sky gets dark
Take a break

GALADRIEL
I have to see what’s behind the camera
I’ll lose my shit until i get to see behind the camera