Undead Ghosts on Your Side

(31/46)

Posted by: lordofthehamilton on 11 May 2016

(THE BLACK DWIMORBERG: Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli enter the Haunted Mountain in an attempt to get the undead soldiers to fight for them)

GIMLI
It sure is nice, it sure is nice to have
Undead ghosts on our side
It sure is nice, it sure is nice to have
Undead ghosts on our side

ARAGORN
Ev’ry action has its equal, opposite reactions,
Oathbreakers need to combat to release their shackles
Try not to crack from the concept, we take all kinds of fractions
Who they are is a guess, but Isildur don’t make retractions
I get no satisfaction embracing tropes that feel tacked on
Monomyth and fantasy use underworlds to their fashion
Our hobbits and friends, our kingdoms will be ashes to ashes
Mordor wipes them clean in attempts to stab and slash them
This gig is asking for someone to bring ghosts to task
Someone with the right sword on, the resort is last but we can at last ask them
I’ve got a shiver near them, Leg shot one through their eye socket
But we won them over, we got this army in our pocket

LEGOLAS & GIMLI
It sure is nice, it sure is nice to have
Undead ghosts on our side
It sure is nice, it sure is nice to have
Undead ghosts on our side
Feels a bit like a cop-out

ARAGORN
I don’t know

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
The guys never died
It sure is nice, it sure is nice to have
Undead ghosts on our side

LEGOLAS
So we’ve doubled the size of our battlement
Wasn’t the trouble with much of our previous battlefields size?

GIMLI
We’ve got more allies

LEGOLAS
We claimed our prize

ARAGORN
A creepy mountain with my two favorite guys

GIMLI
Ghosts are paying off their ancient debt
And saving Gondor’s ass, probably, I bet

ARAGORN
I hope they show up, not blow us off or forget

GIMLI
We don’t have the time

ARAGORN
We can hijack Corsair ships from the south!

GIMLI
Shoot them before they run off their mouth

LEGOLAS
This running plan of yours I shall espouse

GIMLI / LEGOLAS
When elves and dwarves team up, action will rouse

ARAGORN
We’re in this great ship. We are complicit in
Sailin’ on, surprising Orcs while they’re missing it
If Denethor isn’t gon’ listen
To distant Isildur’s kin with his indifference,
His time is up!

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
Oh!
This ranger king isn’t nobody at all!
Oh!
This ranger king’s got a place in the hall!
Oh!
Let’s show army of darkness who they’re up against!
Oh!

LEGOLAS / GIMLI
Some rumblin’ and fuckin’-

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
Man, elf, dwarf and ghosts by the ton!

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI / GHOSTS
Oh!

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
We’ll follow the river and head to Gondor

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI / GHOSTS
Oh!

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
Because every second the battlefield grows!

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI / GHOSTS
Oh!

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
If we sail down the river to Pelennor Fields
With ghosts as our shields, we won’t ever yield and
See what power they wield
It sure is nice, it sure is nice

GIMILI
We’ll follow the river and head to Gondor

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
It sure is nice, it sure is nice

LEGOLAS
How’d Isildur curse them, I wonder?

ARAGORN / LEGOLAS / GIMLI
They’ll start out invisible. They won’t be noticed
Still
It sure is nice, it sure is nice to have
Undead ghosts on our side