I forgive you

To the person I miss the most…

After all these years, I really do. I forgive you because I can’t carry this feeling anymore and because I can’t blame you for all those unfortunate events that happened to me.

I forgive you for not coming and looking for me, for all the calls that you never returned and the empty spaces you never occupied. I forgive you for the simple fact that it doesn’t hurt me anymore.

I’ve been trying to remember all the good things about you, all the time that we spent together, all the things that you taught me and all those years you protected me. I’m grateful for that. I’m only keeping the good memories and trying to become a better person, just like you always wanted to.

I know you made a lot of mistakes and some things weren’t really your fault. When you left I didn’t understand anything and I blamed myself so many times until I finished exhausted. Exhausted of everything and everyone. Exhausted of myself. Exhausted of missing you so badly.

I spent all these years without you and things have worked out good. I hope that everything is going well and you finally find what you were looking for. I can’t say that I don’t care about you or that I don’t love you anymore, because I would be lying. I always will be there whenever you need me. When you grow old and feeble. I will be there, even if you weren’t there when I needed it.

I forgive you because I need to feel peace and move on. My best friend told me yesterday the wiser thing I’ve ever listened: forgiveness doesn’t depend on two individuals, it only needs one person willing to forgive.

That’s why I’m here: I’m forgiving you and saying sorry for all the stupid things I did, all the hurtful words I say and for the time I was absent.

I never wanted to disappoint you. I tried so hard to please you that I forgot to tell you the truth; you were hurting us and you needed to go. For good or worst you left and it wasn’t my choice or my fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes life it’s like that.

You had the choice to stay in my life but you didn’t take it. I understand it now. Maybe it was too painful, maybe it was harder that you thought. I honestly don’t know, but I really hope that it was the best choice to take and you don’t regret it.

We both took decisions, made mistakes and faded away with the distance and the time, but now it’s a brand-new day to start again. I need to forgive myself and forgive you because all these years I’ve been making choices based on resentments and fears and I’m very tired and sick of it. I’m leaving the past where it must lay. I’m leaving all the harmful stuff in the deep of the blue sea and I’m filling my heart with the calmness of the waves.

I must say that it took me more than a decade but I did it… This is the end. I forgive you and I wish you nothing but happiness and joy. You don’t have to say a word. I know you’re sorry too. I know you are going to forgive me. I know that everything is going to be ok because I always will be your daughter and you will always be my dad, the only one that I have in this life.

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