Inspired by Sickick Music
So I threw up this morning. For no reason other than my apartment was way too hot, which was my fault because I left the heat on.
And I was sad, so I did what I always do when I am sad these days and I turned on some music. Sick is one of my favorite artists because he’s just good at what he does, but this song cemented it. Play it while you listen to this essay, you’ll love it.
In another life I’d be happy, I say that to myself all the time. I say it almost every day, “oh well fuck if I just had more money, more friends, more whatever,” the ironic thing is I have the best friends from around the globe. My friends are from Iran, Pakistan, Italy, Paris, China, Africa, Canada, and America, hell I even have friends in Drakar.
I have friends everywhere, so what the fuck do I need more friendships for when I’m just learning to maintain and take care of the ones I have now?
In another life, I might be in a relationship.
In another life, I might be with someone I love very much, but I like being here. Is that weird to you? Maybe that’s because you haven’t lived my life, it’s okay you can judge my poverty, my bad teeth, and my lack of “formalized education” but I learned from the Master.
I’m fully aware that education, perfect teeth, and a well-groomed and taken-care-of body will get me a husband who will unlock doors to power and wealth, on his terms. On his terms. On his terms, because it’ll be his wealth I’m allowed to borrow until he tires of me and hires someone else to play the role of wife and possible mother. That’s if he lets me live.
Yeah, I’m really good with my cats, my self, and my writing thanks.
In Another Life, I Might Have People To Take With Me
One of my truly greatest fears is succeeding alone.
Nada Chehade Savannah Worley Johnny Silvercloud Allison Wiltz Obinna Morton Dr. Mary Marshall, Ph.D. Rosalyn Morris Misty Rae and many other writers both a part of W.E.O.C. Editors and not a part of that group, have given me space to not have to worry about taking people with me on the big stage.
There will be a day that I am supremely successful before I die, and when that happens, these people will be with me, if not in person then in spirit and I know this because I am not on my own anymore.
The thing that makes me love Sick’s song the most, is the same reason these people and more are on my friend list.
They allow me the space to be myself and to make mistakes and give me room to grow while pulling me with them. I do not feel like I have to choose sides, and I do not feel like I can’t wear certain colors, or talk to certain people. I can do as I please and they love me regardless, as long as I remain the kind beautiful talented creature before you.
If I had another life, I might have all those things I mentioned, but I have them now. I am happy, I am at peace, but not yet enough at peace enough to die. So I just thought I'd share some good music with you on a day when I wasn’t feeling my best in hope that if you’re feeling alone, you take the time to look around and see just how alone you are not.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl