It’s Not About Who Wins or Loses
I am Not Succeeding Where I Want To Because The World Is Ending
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There is a disturbing amount of war happening on the planet right now. In Uganda LGBTQ2S+ folks are fighting to be seen as human, in Yemin, people are fighting for food, in Palestine people are fighting for the right to live. In Europe, Africa, and all over the world people are fighting, and America and Canada are no different.
I am consumed with the shock that comes with realizing the world you thought you knew is nothing compared to reality. I was promised rainbow-shitting butterflies, and instead, I got demons from Hell telling me that I don’t deserve to live because of wait for it…the color of my skin, or because of who I love.
I was promised Prince Charming and Prince Charming turned out to be one toad after another. Like come on, why lie to kids? The only purpose that I can glean is that you enjoy seeing the crushing disappointment on their faces when they realize that the world was not made for them.
We have kids in Florida who can’t play sports, we have women in Texas and all over the country really who are being forced to carry dead babies instead of being allowed to have safe access to abortions that would save or change their lives.
We are returning to the days of old, we are headed down the highway that will take us right back to 1942 and it’s not happening in Europe alone, it’s happening everywhere. People are using bombs to make a point and I’m too afraid to think of anything other than that.
It was exciting when the people of Egypt stood up, but I didn’t know that cheering them on would mean that eventually, I’d be too tired of the idea of war to cheer on anyone I just need it all to stop.
War, the pandemic, new restrictive laws that strip away our humanity, it’s too much and I don’t know what we did to deserve to be here, but I want my mommy. Yeah, I said that shit. I want her to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and she won’t, because she doesn’t believe it will be.
In 2020 when the pandemic hit people were really advocating for the death of elder people. Are you serious Devon? Yes. On live television.
Now we’ve come around to the idea that the illness that stole millions of lives really did start in a lab and while I don’t give a flying fuck about where the lab is, I absolutely do care about who released this virus into the world and I want them to rot in prison. But they probably won’t, because let’s face it, no one gets punished for being the bad guy anymore.
Yup that’s how the world is feeling in a nutshell and while I understand it all, and while I know that I could be focusing on making LMBG a bigger brand, and more important to the world I feel it’s more important for me to tell you to get over your feelings.
I’ve learned the world doesn’t give a shit about the innocent ones anymore, and that means that none of us get to be innocent. It’s not the beautiful beaming light in the universe. It’s a trap. Earth is a trap. It’s a fucking mind game, and if you go crazy they win, but you can’t help but go crazy because the people on this planet are nuts.
Y’all will kill a woman like #DevonnaWalker because she yelled at you? Naw you killed her because you saw a Black woman and thought she deserved to die. For being Black.
Y’all murdered George Floyd, Ahmad Arbery, Emmit Till, Martin Luther King Jr, Breonna Tayler, and so many others, white people did that. Not Indigenous people, not Black people, not Asian people, not Jewish people, white people did that.
Every.
Fucking.
Time.
The world doesn’t give a fuck about how tired you are, and I’m sorry neither do I. We need more historians now than ever. We need record keepers. We need people who will see what’s happening and do something about it while making sure that we never forget how horrible it was so that we can make it better.
My house is a mess right now, literally, and all I can say is “I need help,” the lesson here is if you don’t do it yourself no one will help you. So decide what you’re capable of doing, and then go and do it.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl
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