Psilocybin The Magical Mushroom
I Tried Mushrooms For The First Time This Year, Here Are My Initial Thoughts
“I am pro psychedelics, but you have to be smart about anything that you take. It is not for everyone and that is okay. You can learn how to receive the same benefits from shrooms through other alternatives; such as meditation.”― Robin S. Baker
For thousands of years tribes across the globe have used Psilocybin to connect with all kinds of spiritual entities. I didn’t trust mushrooms as a teenager, but now that I’ve used them I wish I had.
The reason I didn’t do cannabis or mushrooms or other drugs when I was a teenager was because I was largely afraid of going crazy. I think a part of me knew that if I started using mind-altering drugs I wouldn’t be able to hide from the abuse that was happening to me.
As an adult however I have so much trauma that I am carrying around, it is affecting me physically as well as spiritually and mentally. So the only way to let go of that baggage is to try what a doctor would try.
Unfortunately, I do not have a doctor’s permission, nor do I have a doctor to assist me with this kind of therapy, so I do not recommend doing it the way I did. The way I did it was incredibly stupid and should be tried by no one, but by the time mushrooms found me I was in a desperate state.
Last year I was houseless, and while in that situation I genuinely considered trying crack because I didn’t know what else to do. We had 0 options and were living in an office, I was tired and broken to my core, stripped of anything resembling “Home” and nowhere to go.
This year I am healthier, but not entirely healthy. Trying mushrooms is a last-ditch effort to deal with the last vestiges of my trauma so that I can move forward and be the healthier version of me ya’ll see in public.
But holy shit was the experience vastly different depending on the dose and the kind of mushrooms I was imbibing in. Let me explain.
The first time I tried mushrooms my neighbor and very good friend called me up and asked if I wanted a 500mg mushroom gummy. I laughed “Fuck yes,”, I popped two of them without thinking about it.
Now for the average mushroom user that’s not that much. For me, it was enough for me to feel a happy glow about myself, without feeling like I was tipping over the edge.
So as soon as I could I went to the Mushroom Dispensary in Vancouver British Columbia, and bought 3 bags of mushroom gummies.
Each bag consists of 2000mg gummies with each one being about 250mg. They taste like shit.
But they also don’t give you the Psilocybin high that you’re looking for unless you take a handful of them and honestly it’s not worth it. I would say the only thing that mushroom or Psilocybin gummies are good for, is gradually upping your dosage so that you’re not hit by a ton of bricks when you do real mushrooms. But this is from my limited experience.
Now the real mushrooms are a whole different ball game. I only took a tiny amount of fresh mushrooms, but they tasted like wood and garbage and were not very yummy at all.
They have a dirt-like flavor which is interesting, so swallow with ginger ale because ginger ale is a neutral pop it won’t affect your high, like coffee or tea will.
However the high was beautiful. Part of it — because I really did take such a small dose — was that these were pure mushrooms so they had a full blast of Psilocybin, unlike gummies which are carefully measured out. Because I can’t be sure of how much I took I also can’t be sure that I can replicate the results but here was my initial reaction.
The first two hours were a blast. I hung out with my friend from down the street, smoked some weed, took my nightly pills, danced around the house, cleaned a little bit, and then went to bed.
Then the trauma came.
I wasn’t expecting it, I’m not sure I wanted it, but I am absolutely certain I needed it. A lot of truth that I’d been holding back or not listening to came out and while I certainly wasn’t expecting it, I was able to answer some questions I’ve had for years that make me feel a minuscule amount better in the long run.
The thing about Psilocybin is that it opens up your psychic pathways — people have been saying this for years — and allows you to connect to the parts of yourself that have been lost or locked away.
A guided Psilocybin experience can cost thousands of dollars, but I eventually want to get to the place where I can do that because I know that it will help me unlock all the parts of myself that I’ve locked away or that have been locked away because of trauma.
Many people use magic mushrooms ritually, but that’s something that takes a great deal of experience and control and I am nowhere near there yet.
The thing about magic mushrooms or Psilocybin is that you don’t use it every single night expecting that it’s going to just get you hippy and happy high because that’s not how it works.
Sometimes you get a happy trip, other times you get punched in the gut by shit you gotta deal with, and you as the user don’t get to decide which parts of your brain are going to wake up when you use magic mushrooms.
People — who are under-educated and stupid — say there are ways to control the high but that’s again, something that takes a great deal of control and experience and not something you’re going to be able to do overnight and out of the gate. I know this because I’ve tried, and I am incredibly strong when I need to be.
Strength will not get you through a round of magic mushroom therapy, which is how I am using this medication.
Once I “Woke up,” and was done for the night, I went to sleep like nothing happened, but the days after were terrible. Two days of depression because I had all this “stuff” that I didn’t know how to deal with.
I still don’t know how to deal with it, which is why I need someone to help guide me through these emotions, but thankfully I have very good friends who are willing to listen and hear me.
The one thing that I will say is that mushrooms have cured any desire I have to try anything harder. I think I’ve found my lane and I am incredibly comfortable staying in it.
I am taking a few days away from writing, from being on social media, and from the internet to interact with myself. To find ways to heal from what I’ve learned and seen, and to also accept that I can’t change what happened to me.
I have a very good friend who was telling me yesterday that she has no emotions when it comes to her trauma. No anger, no rage, no exasperation, just acceptance that it happened and then moving on.
I wish I had that ability, but I am also grateful that I have the chance to explore my trauma in a safe welcoming, and loving environment that won’t judge me for being hurt by what other people did.
With the state of the world today, I need to pull back and heal these wounds that I’ve opened. I know I did this to myself. I opened doors in myself that were supposed to stay closed, but since when has that ever happened in any story ever?!
The hero always finds out the secrets and it always drives them over the edge before they come back to reality right? Well hopefully by taking this break I’ll have hit all the edges I am going to for the next little while.
Until my return and long after, it’s Free Palestine bitches.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
