Random Questions I Hear In The Shadows That I Thought I Would Share

1. What is A Loud Mouth Brown Girl?

A Loud Mouth Brown Girl is a collection of words, made up into a person, designed to change the entire world. And yes before you ask anyone can be a Loud Mouth Brown Girl — the Loud Mouth army was started by an artist out of Atlanta named Roman — if you can find his track One Love, I’ll get “your name,” tattooed on my wrist, because it’s a truly beautiful track.

Loud Mouth “Brown,” Girl, comes from being called a brown bitch by a racist cop. The original tagline of the website was and continues to be:
Be The Loud Mouth Brown Girl, YOU Needed, Growing Up.” So whatever that means to you, take that, and flip it around. “What did I need growing up?” Be that!

2. What Is Your Favorite TV Moment?

There are a lot of things that we can’t change about our lives. We can’t change that we were abused, or that the world is harder for some of us than it is for others. We can’t change that our parents were poor growing up, but when we DO grow up, when we are fucking TIRED of being treated like shit we can do SOMETHING.

It’s going to take me a long time to get to the places I want to go, but I didn’t get here alone, and I won’t get there alone. I love this moment because Tyra was right.

Whether you want to be a model or President, EVERY experience is something to learn from. If you’re sitting on your couch and you want to do something, do it.

Maybe you have to start with a paperclip to work your way up to get a free house, but you’ll get there, as long as you DO something that makes your heart sing and sets your soul on fire. Being an abuser is not going to get you there.

3. What Is Gang Life Really Like?

It’s terrifying. No one enters gang life thinking “yup I’m going to be the biggest gangster ever,” and then actually has that become a reality.

When the Kray’s first started their illegal business, it wasn’t because they wanted to shoot people in the head, it was because they grew up poor and wanted to have money so they wouldn’t be poor anymore. In the end, both Krays spent the remaining years of their life in prison, and Francis Kray killed herself because she was tired of being abused at the hands of her husband, who lived with little more than stress because he was constantly being anything other than what he was meant to be.

Almost everyone I know from those days is either in jail, in the hospital, or if not already dead, close to it, because they live their lives with drugs and gangs. I’m only here because I left because I walked away promising never to go back again, and I’m holding true to that promise, largely because of how many women — specifically — are still trapped in that life.

Too many girls — and yes I mean underage women and women who aren’t yet 25 — are pregnant at the bequest of men who ONLY want them to be pregnant so that these men won’t end up alone. At least if she leaves they still have the kids, and if they have kids there will ALWAYS be another girl willing to change diapers and do laundry for another woman’s children, just so she can be “his girl.” No thanks, not the life I wanted, hence Loud Mouth Brown Girl.

4. How Do You Move Forward After Gang Life?

With help. In an ideal society, there wouldn’t be anything like gang life out there, kids would be kids. Adults would take care of the world and we’d all be housed, safe, and protected from the violence of the world.

In the way that I see the world, in order to move forward from gang life you need several things:

  • People who understand that who you used to be isn’t who you want to be
  • People who genuinely want to change, and who want to move forward in this world, taking a different direction than they thought they were going to
  • Police officers who are willing to give a person a real chance at a future, by speaking to people with respect, and refusing to pull their guns unless absolutely necessary
  • A community that understands not everyone gets the same start in life, and that is willing to accept that those who choose to leave gang life behind are making one of the hardest choices that a human being can make.

5. Why Is Gang Life So Appealing?

It’s so easy to say that kids who join gangs have parental issues, sure that’s part of it, but it’s also teachers, doctors, lawyers, it’s literally every adult in a kids’ life convincing that kid, that they don’t deserve to feel safe, strong, loved, and powerful.

It’s soo many issues that come together to create a shitstorm of bullshit that kids have to deal with, long before they understand how to deal with issues like:

— Poverty

  • Rape
  • Torture
  • Branding
  • Control
  • Dominance
  • Pain
  • Sorrow
  • Poverty
  • Hunger
  • Houselessness

All of these issues come together to create the need, the desire, and the want, to feel safe, and gangs promise to provide that in the same way that politicians promise to protect wildlife or provide low-income housing for folks.

My mom was on the BC Housing list for more than twenty years, and 2 kids, living in extreme poverty while trying to help other folks have a better life, yeah you bet your ass my brother and I got involved in shit we shouldn’t have, we didn’t have anyone to tell us not to. We weren’t having the times of our lives, we were trying to survive. If you want gang life to be less appealing to kids, then stop giving them a reason to run from what YOU think is safe, when its’ clearly not.

6. What Annoys You More Than Anything

Anyone, under any branding, who thinks they can decide who I am going to be, based on what they want from me. It’s so funny but suddenly all these celebrities are reaching out to me, (no joke,) to tell me that they support me, and I gotta laugh because it’s like…really?

SUPER cool, umm one question: You know that I’m Hells Angels affiliated right? WolfPack, Red Scorpions, UN, Independent Soldier, I know people from all these groups and communities, and uh, the world pretty much hates these people…you still cool with me?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I’m never really going to be socially acceptable for folks who are in power, and the day that I am is pretty much the day that it’s time to pack it in, because I never, ever want to be socially acceptable. I want to be authentic, I want to be real, I want to be messy and weird, and majickal, and I can only do that if the people who think I want to be like them, start to realize it’s way more fascinating to see them want to live like me, and then watching them cry when they cant.

I am who I am and that’s all that I Y’am — Popeye, a white cartoon made for everyone. Food for thought.

7. What’s Your Favorite Number

69 — And I am absolutely going to explain it because otherwise you will make assumptions and I’m tired of the assholes in my comments.

According to numerology, the number 6 represents domestic happiness, harmony, and stability. These houses with house number 6 in numerology also come with a lot of responsibilities, such as family obligations, children, and the home. — TimesProperty.com

The number 9 is the last of the single-digit numbers (which are known as cardinal numbers in numerology) and the highest in value. The number 9 shows you’ve lived and learned; you’re engaged with living your life in a meaningful, conscious manner and you’re setting rewarding goals.

69 is an interesting number within the world of numerology meanings. This numerology number is associated with both good and bad attributes. Sometimes it can be exciting, fun-loving, creative, even magical, at other times it might indicate a flippant attitude toward serious matters. — SarahSchoop

More than any of that 6 and 9 are the only two numbers in the history of time that fit together perfectly to create 8. Which leads to 3 numbers that mean the absolute world to me. There are others, but that wasn’t the question :P

8. As a Mental Health Content Creator, What Do You Do?

Jesus, I spend so much time just thinking that my brain actually manifests pain in my legs and arms and hands and I absolutely don’t walk enough. I drink a lot of coffee, I think about all the shit that I’ve been through, I talk to the universe and I speak through space and time. Seriously.

I write letters to the universe, I make a list of all the shit I’m going to say to God when he / she / they / them finally have the guts to face me and I put it all on the website or here on medium.

I talk to the men who raped me — even though they can’t actually hear me because they’re too fucking stupid to function as anything other than pedophiles and rapists — and I use all of that as content so that other patients dealing with mental health issues can decide a few things for themselves.

When people read my writing, I want them to see things in themselves that they could be doing better, and I want very much for them to have the courage to reach back and tell me what they think of my work. So far I’ve been lucky that when I’m out at the events dressed as the Loud Mouth Brown Girl Faerie, I have received nothing but good comments, HOWEVER, I’ve also been glared at, had people walk away from me, and ignored me outright saying they didn’t need the messages I was trying to spend.

All of that goes into the content that I create, and the life lessons that are helping me to heal and be a better writer today than I was yesterday.

9. Do You Shave?

No. Women have hair, get over it. We’re supposed to have hair. I have hairy armpits, and legs, and the only reason that I might shave is if I’m going to an event where my armpits and legs might be seen, but since I only wear shorts and dresses at home for my personal safety — not a fucking joke — I don’t really worry about that shit.

If you do, then perhaps you need to spend some time farting as loudly as possible as a girl while calling out your own name when you masturbate. Nothing is better than embracing the girlhood that men say isn’t acceptable.

10. Who Is Your Favorite Artist of All Time?

There was a time I would have said 2Pac. He opened my eyes to a world I didn’t know existed. In the 90s when my mom bought my brother his very first Snoop Dog album, we laughed for hours when she finally clued into the lyrics.

She had NO idea how explicit the album would be, and she literally fought us for years because she REFUSED to believe that Over The Counter — was bought by her. Sadly it was, and from Snoop I went to 2Pac who told me about kids with guns, and girls who were getting pregnant too young, and as a good Catholic girl that was a completely foreign concept to me. It wasn’t until I moved to British Columbia that the songs of Snoop, Dre, Pac, Biggie, the WuTang Clan, and several other groups back then went from being lyrics to being a reality.

Reality hit hard every time I was raped because one gang wanted to control me over another guy and on and on and on. And today the music I listen to is a LOT of the music of the past, reminding me why it is that I fight to have a world where “gangs” are community groups designed to help youth instead of destroying them.

Adele brings me back to life, in ways that very few artists can. In my worst, darkest, most afraid moments, Adele brings me back to this planet, to this existence, where I am able to convey all the things inside my head, to the rest of the world in a way that is often hard to consume, but easier to digest once the reasons behind why I become clear. Telling my story is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do, and sharing that story was even worse, especially because I’m sharing it with complete strangers from around the globe.

I once had a dream where 2Pac and Biggie were walking me down the stairs of my old apartment in Calgary taking me on a journey. I always wondered what these three artists would sound like together, and then some fucking GENIUS put them all together and threw it up on Youtube.

This is the song that changed my life, but that being said, without 90s rap and the “gang ties” of the artists of today, I wouldn’t be alive. So while Adele is my favourite artist, it’s not because she’s white, or because she’s more special than others, it’s because on the day I died, and on the day I came back to life, it was her voice, with Biggie and Pac that I heard.

Hope this helps you understand me a bit better.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall and The Ohana

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Devon J Hall

Devon J Hall

I Am The Loud Mouth Brown Girl, from Surrey BC. Author, Author & Artist, Dancer, Singer, Cannabis Educator, and Advocate. I am All this and more.