How ‘Dale Carnegie’ Changed My Definition of Success at Work
Your best effort and positive attitude are not enough to achieve success.
Until today, I believed that doing a task with the right positive attitude and the best effort was enough to succeed. That my work would lead to a result if I did it with good intentions.
Yes, I followed it in my life and succeeded in many ways.
But one incident transformed my thoughts about it. When I was working in that team in my new workplace, I realized that doing your best with the right attitude is not enough.
What is a job worth if the world does not see its value?
Even when I got excellent results, they did not consider my work a success. Taken aback, I thought I was about to lose my job. I questioned myself if I was really worth for this role. All the things I have done until now, are they real?
Had I been living in the fake world?
Coming from a company where everyone considered me a jack of all trades to a place where I feared being kicked out was a big transformation in my mind. And that was in just a few short weeks.
Clueless, I kept thinking about it day and night.
“Am I really contributing here?” That question robbed me of sleep for weeks.
I rummaged all over my Goodreads shelf because books, in particular, have shaped my thoughts.
I reread the snippets of ‘The Secret.’ It taught me to believe and act as if I already have what I wanted to accomplish. It told me to act like my efforts were going in the right direction and I did not have an iota of doubt about it.
Ok, so I was there, staying positive and working as needed, but nothing was happening. I was lost, as if the Google-maps of my life needed an update and I had no internet connection. The only visibility was my bleak future.
I remembered ‘The Fountain Head’. How Howard Roark conquered the world with his ideals and how he always valued hard work and his principles? But that was an ideal situation where he, Howard Roark, fought with everyone, lived in poverty, did work as labor and succeeded in the end. I mean, ok, no work is small, but I can not go back to being a laborer, or for me, being a Mechanical Engineer to go on a highway and fix vehicles.
I need to turn my situation around in my favor, and I was sure I could not let time pass in thin air.
I stopped reading fiction books because the story of my life was not going right. I could not concentrate.
None of the books I had read so far could help me understand that missing element in my efforts. I thought my last days at the company were approaching. But I went back to basics; I looked for a new book to solve this problem.
To understand the problem, I asked myself some questions.
- Was there a problem with my efforts?
NO. I screamed inside the way a child does to his mother when she stuffs vegetables in a sandwich.
2. Do I not have a basic understanding of work?
Yes. I understand it quite well.
3. Do I have sufficient knowledge of what is going on and what needs to be done?
Yes, no problem here.
4. Do I know exactly what my colleagues and my boss think?
Here lies a problem. Without giving me time, they have decided on my worth, or maybe not. Maybe I do not know the recipe they are cooking.
I need to do something about it.
In all of this, I realized I need to influence people and find a book that gives me simple, actionable steps to help me achieve below goals.
1. I need people to pay attention to my work.
I want people to see that I give 100%, and understand I am not someone who would work in a closet.
2. Show them what I really am — a problem solver and an optimist.
And then set out to find a book that would help me solve that problem.
Google helped me locate the right book-
‘How to Win Friends and Influence People?’ By Dale Carnegie.
Not that this is the first time I have seen this book, but in the past, I never felt the need to read it. This time, I decided it was time to throw myself at the mercy of Mr. Dale Carnegie.
His book contained simple appropriate actions. Below are those I adopted to get out of my situation.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
- Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.
- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, ‘You’re wrong’
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
I created a flyer with these tips and set it up as a widget on my android phone. Every time I unlocked my phone, this list appeared in the foreground.
I was burning with desperation to get out of this situation.
My boss was a young man and had just been promoted to a management position. He himself needed validation and acceptance from team members. I knew people needed time to accept him.
I gave him that acceptance.
I told him what he wanted to hear.
I made him feel powerful.
I never pointed out weaknesses in his leadership, but showed how earnestly I was trying to improve.
He saw all that. He recognized acceptance. He felt powerful, which is what he wanted. I gave him that. This turned the whole scenario into my favor.
When he saw my efforts, he got a different perspective without prejudices and filters. He already knew there was no problem with my efforts, but like I said, that was not enough. He realized that this man was trying to better himself to get out of the rings of diplomacy.
From then on, they saw my work in a different light, with the expectation of a positive outcome. People came together to support me, and I could see myself moving again.
This changed me. I felt powerful because I could influence someone in my own way. I had never done it before.
It changed my whole concept of work. The right attitude and the best effort alone are not enough to do a work. What’s still missing is for others to see the value created by your work in the same light as you do, otherwise it’s meaningless.
It’s like when you write books and stories that no one reads. But what good is writing if it is not read by others, if no value is created from it, neither money nor gifts and feedback.
Those who create that perfect blend consistently, or one of their traits overrides the comprehensive blend, will continue to achieve success. This is probably one reason we do not understand some people’s early success.
It’s clear to me we do our dream job when we balance all three traits. Because the company you work for does not define the dream job. But happiness and satisfaction during the work makes it a dream job.
I hope everyone could make conscious choices every time and create that perfect blend for the majority of their lives.
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