They have studied countless old people and discovered the hidden thoughts behind the conflict between old people’s love and young parents
Why old people love to have conflicts with young parents
A little girl was dressed in bulging clothes. She was sweaty when she moved a little while sitting at home. Her mother couldn’t help but say to her grandma: “The child is overdressed and too hot. Look, her forehead is wet...” No Thinking of grandma’s divine logic is “against the sky”: “You have a loud voice and you have too much saliva...”
Sometimes the communication between the little girl’s father and the elderly is not very smooth. When the little girl was born, the father of this family bought a washing machine to wash the little girl’s clothes, but the little girl’s grandmother strongly opposed it. The old man said: “The washing machine is not clean...” When the courier was delivered to the door, he just refused to receive the goods...
This is the experience of a pair of young parents and old people. The little girl is over 3 years old this year, and her mother told me: “Mother-in-law always likes to sing the opposite.”
Old people always like to sing against their young parents?
German evolutionary psychologist Harald Euler discovered through research that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a common problem, and it exists in any country. The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often manifested in the details of family life: for example, whether the baby should sleep alone or with the postpartum mother after birth; for example, whether the baby drinks breast milk or milk powder; for example, whether the baby needs to use diapers or washable diapers; the baby does not crawl. Can you learn to walk before... In these aspects, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often have their own opinions.
In addition to conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, fathers do not always communicate smoothly with the elderly. For example, some old people would object to young fathers buying new clothes for their children, or young fathers buy toys for their children, and some old people would insist on letting their children eat sweets and snacks, ignoring the objections of young fathers.
In terms of parenting, many young parents also have difficulty understanding why old people always behave contrary to the expectations of young people: they want their children to eat independently, but the old people chase and feed their children because they worry about their children not having enough food; they hope the children learn to dress by themselves, but the old people help their children because they don’t understand or catch colds easily; they want the children to do housework and wash clothes, so that the children can develop the habit of labor, but the old people think that the children are playing; they want the children to listen to stories and read picture books, but the old people use the TV as a babysitter for the children; they hope that when the child is sick, they will prescribe the right medicine according to the scientific method, but the old people use their lack of scientific experience to privately buy medicines for the children...
Old people like to sing against their young parents, with deep roots.
Many people say that “the elderly are too self-confident”, “the elderly cannot keep up with the times”, “the elderly are poor in character”, “the elderly lack thinking”... These are all superficial reasons. Because the specific circumstances of the elderly in each family are different, the contradictions in inter-generational education are very common, because there are common problems behind them-every elderly person has a need for “self-worth” deep in their hearts. As they get older, old people tend to feel helpless and lonely. At the same time, they often think that they have rich life experience, and young people have less experience of raising children and life. They really hope to be in a family.” Speaking”, looking for self-worth.
There is a psychology experiment in France that illustrates the general psychological needs of the elderly. The person in charge of the study is Yannick Stephan and others of the University of Grenoble in France. They recruited a group of elderly people and divided them into two groups. After a basic test, the elderly in the first group were told: “You do better than 80% of your peers”, while the second group did not have such praise. Next, these elderly people were required to take a hand grasp test. As a result, the first group of elderly people performed better in the test. Affirmed in terms of self-worth, old people will become positive in behavior. When their psychological needs of “self-worth” are frustrated, such as being frequently rejected or denied by young people, they will anger the old people, and they may act “contradictory”.
When old people gain a “sense of self-worth”, they are more willing to accept young people’s suggestions and persuasion.
A young mother and her mother-in-law are in love with her mother and daughter, and the old man also seeks advice from the young on everything, and the family respects and loves each other. I asked her what she had learned, and she said: “We always ask our mother-in-law for advice on everything, although sometimes we don’t do what the mother-in-law says, but the mother-in-law is very happy.” The young man asks the elderly for advice, respects the elderly, and feels like it. When it comes to a sense of accomplishment and self-worth, it in turn respects young people, and it is easy to solicit their opinions. This is a win-win result.
I suddenly thought of a friend: her grandmother is almost 100 years old, and every winter, she will coquettishly let her elderly grandmother knit a scarf for her. The old lady hunched so badly, when she smiled and insisted on holding a cane on a 90-degree hump to go to the market to buy wool and steel needles... Then she laughed and went home with a 90-degree hump, and brought her little reading glasses. When laughing and knitting a scarf for her granddaughter, this “squeaky” granddaughter was criticized by everyone: “Grandma is so old, don’t let her toss, we will give you one.” But her response made everyone stop talking: “Don’t you see that grandma is very happy? When we get older, we also have to give her a chance to love grandchildren.”
If the heart knot really cannot be opened, you can tie it into a flower; if the old people find it really difficult to communicate, you should treat them as willful children, and understand that they are like children, eager for recognition.
