The Real Reason Why You Haven’t Achieved Your Goals
(And it’s not what you think)
Has this ever happened to you?
You’ve decided you’re FINALLY going to quit your soul-sucking job and start your business. Excited, you pull out your calendar and set a date when you’re going to turn in your resignation.
But, as that day gets closer, you find yourself beset with all sorts of angst and second-guessing. What if I fail? What if my mother was right all along and this is a terrible idea?
You’re full anxiety and worry. Maybe it’s even impacted your sleep and you’re spending hours tossing and turning, constantly playing out every worst case scenario.
Maybe you find yourself arguing with your spouse more, especially if he or she isn’t all that supportive of your decision. Maybe your kids start acting up at school, and you begin to wonder if rather than spend your energy focusing on your new business, what you really ought to be doing is focusing on being a parent.
And, if all that wasn’t enough, to add insult to injury, you end up getting sick.
So, you decide this must be a sign you’re not supposed to quit quite yet, the timing just isn’t right, and it’s not going to kill you to spend a little more time at your job. After all, you really could use the money. You can always revisit this in six months or a year, when things have calmed down at home.
And, you go right back to where you were. No closer to living your dreams or making your goals come true.
Well, first off, if this does sound familiar, you’re not alone. Many, many people start making strides toward their goals and dreams, only to abandon them the minute it seems like it’s not meant to be.
Maybe you’re ready to finally write your book, but every time you sit down to work on it, you find yourself procrastinating. Maybe your goal is to have your business break the 6-figure mark, but you lack focus on what action steps to take.
It doesn’t matter what the goal is, what matters is you’re not taking action toward it.
You probably have a lot reasons or excuses why you haven’t made progress. Some of them may even be good reasons.
But, it doesn’t change the fact nothing is getting done.
And you’re frustrated, angry, resentful, worried, jealous or a combination of emotions.
But, here’s the thing — whatever excuse or “story” you’re telling yourself about why you can make your dreams come true, isn’t actually the reason.
Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with lack of time or money or being too old or too young or not the right time or anything else you’re telling yourself right now. I’m not saying those excuses aren’t true — what I’m saying is they aren’t what’s stopping you.
What’s REALLY stopping you? Your fear-based emotions.
You see, all emotions fall under either love or fear. Fear-based emotions include fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, grief.
For most of us, we don’t want to feel our fear-based emotions (for obvious reasons).
However, just because we don’t want to feel them doesn’t mean they don’t want to be felt.
And, those feelings are going to keep dogging you until you actually take the time to feel them.
Once you do, they move on.
The problem is, we spend all of this time and energy doing everything in our power to NOT feel them. We bury them or run from them or hide from them. We use alcohol or food or shopping or gossiping or fighting or “busyiness” to distract ourselves from feeling them.
But, that doesn’t mean they go away.
So, when we’re getting ready to do something we really want to do, and we have unfelt fear-based emotions surrounding those goals, what happens? Well, we trigger those feelings. And, rather than just sitting with them and feeling them, we decide those feelings MUST mean we shouldn’t be taking action on our goals.
And, we put our dreams on a shelf for another day.
Temporarily, we’ll feel better, so we think we made the right decision.
Alas, that simply isn’t the case. Because those feelings didn’t actually go away. Quite the opposite. They simply went underground, biding their time.
For the day you decide to dust off those goals and try again.
But, what if you could break that cycle? What if all we needed to do was to pause and breathe and feel those feelings to let them move through us?
And, once they moved through us, then we can go back to taking action?
Could it really be that simple?
Skeptical? Well, why not give it a try and see what happens? The next time uncomfortable and painful emotions surface when you’re wanting to work on your goals, rather than try to escape those emotions, pause and feel them.
Don’t take any action. Just feel them.
And, see what happens.
You got this.
If you’d like to learn more this topic, you may be interested in my new book “Love-Based Goals.”
You can also learn about the love-based philosophy by visiting the LoveBasedBizBlog.com