Appreciation: the gift of Seeing
Musings on Heart Powered Human Leadership
Cultivating the quality of appreciation is a gift that keeps on giving.
Appreciation includes discernment, celebration and recognition. It requires attunement with your subject — a kind of melding and connecting. Almost a disappearing of your separate self to inhabit the object of your appreciation. When you merge fully with what is being appreciated you can feel deeply its attributes.
Have you ever appreciated a glorious sunset? A sky full of stars? Someone’s warm toothy smile?
Have you appreciated the brilliant logic of an idea, the nuance of an argument, the elegance of a solution?
Have you ever appreciated the generosity of a gift, the taste of the food, the beauty of the craftsmanship, the sound of music?
Equally, you may have appreciated the melancholy moment, the falling silent rain, the cold in your face, the tiredness in your body.
Appreciation is the art of seeing what is; and seeing its worth and value.
It is an art that nourishes the appreciator and brings the appreciated into sharper focus.
I have written elsewhere that humans do not do well with being judged or critiqued — unless they are requesting it for a specific purpose.
But we do thrive on appreciation.
Being seen and heard — feeling that what we offer is of value - and especially that our being itself — who we are is of value.
Nancy Kline has studied for decades what enables people to do their best thinking together. She offers ten components for the optimum Thinking Environment — and one of them is Appreciation. She says:
Appreciation: Reality is not just the bad; it is also the good. The mind requires an awareness of both in order to work at its best.
Society teaches us that to see what is good is to be naïve, whereas to be critical is to be informed, grounded, sophisticated and grown-up. And so, in discussions we are asked to focus first, and sometimes only, on the things that are not working, the failures, the crisis looming, the stupidities committed.
The consequence is that our thinking is usually based on an unbalanced and, therefore, incorrect picture.
A Thinking Environment, on the other hand, requires a balanced picture, inclusive of the positive truths about a situation, person or group. Thinking Environment expertise develops the right ratio of appreciation to criticism so that individuals and groups can think at their best.
According to Nancy, we need a ratio of 5:1 for good to bad, for balance — given the impact of one negative criticism.
When we feel appreciated it brings out the best in us.
If as a leader you are interested in being inclusive and bringing the best out in others — cultivate the quality of appreciation. Learn to See.
The helpful thing to know about this is: Seek and ye shall find.
We are designed to work that way. If we set our brain the task to identify, articulate and express what there is to appreciate — it will quickly and efficiently do so. If we set our brain the task to focus on what is wrong — it will do just the same.
Our brain might already be set in a habitual pattern or groove in a critical direction— however, we can always create news habits and grooves — if we choose to.
What you focus on grows — so perhaps it is as simple as deciding that you want to appreciate more.
I was working with a Founder team today who are in the habit of focusing on fixing. They run a thriving charity where there is always so much to do to keep the show on the road. They are mostly just very busy, doing the do. That can get tiring. They love our Team sessions as they are opportunities to slow down and see with new eyes. To appreciate each other, what they have achieved and appreciate the moment. They experience this as energising and inspiring — all through the power of appreciation.
It never ceases to amaze me how so simple a thing can be so transformational. It is often my sacred task to focus on what has been neglected by Leaders and their teams — I am the custodian for appreciating what is good.
Afterwards, it is like everyone has drunk a magical elixir. They are now quieter, more settled in their bones, more relaxed; more at ease and free to be. When we think and feel better — we do better.
Appreciation is its own reward — another word for the feeling of appreciation is gratitude.
It is pretty well documented how gratitude is linked to health, wellbeing and happiness — as well as optimum, resilience and our capacity to give.
If you are struggling to appreciate things in general — the secret is to start with you. Often we ourselves do not feel seen or appreciated — which can make it that much harder to appreciate others. By filling up our ‘love cup’ ourselves with what we long for from others, by authentically seeing what there already is that is good in us— it is amazing how much better we feel and therefore more naturally appreciative of what is around us.
Going first with ourselves makes appreciating others so much easier and as Nancy says — if we don’t - our minds and ideas about ourselves will be based on an unbalanced and, therefore, incorrect picture.
Open your eyes and be present to what is real, good and true.
Appreciation is its own reward.
I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume — you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good, belongs to you.
Walt Whitman — Song of Myself
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